


Always in Motion is the Future

by areyouarealmonster



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: M/M, Minor Cisco Ramon/Lisa Snart, PTSD Leonard Snart, Past Abuse Mention, Star Wars References, brainwashing (past), end of s-2 au, i don't know what's gonna happen yet but this is gonna be an au of it, is it fluff? i don't know what fluff is, okay it's mostly fluff i promise, ray palmer is incapable of shutting up, unless i'm actually psychic, which is entirely possible, yes the title is a star wars quote
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-09-27 00:55:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 34,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9943007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/areyouarealmonster/pseuds/areyouarealmonster
Summary: It's the middle of the night andsomeoneis watching Star Wars, and they didn't invite Ray!Also, Leonard Snart was brought back by the Legion of Doom, using the Spear of Destiny, and there was some fun brainwashing (spoiler: not actually fun). The team got him back, with his memory intact and his personality returned to how he was right before he blew up the Oculus wellspring.He also can't sleep.Ray helps.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Can't Sleep](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8016493) by [readwriteandavengers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/readwriteandavengers/pseuds/readwriteandavengers). 



> I read Can't Sleep and got an Idea, and this sprung out of it.

"Splendid things are often frightening. Sometimes, it's the fright that makes them splendid at all."  
_The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making_ , Catherynne M. Valente

 

* * *

 

 

Ray’s not sure what time it is, but he knows it’s what passes for the middle of the night, or as close as one can get in the time stream. The ship is quiet; the only sounds are the soft settling of metal, the hiss of recycled air, and…

 

Star Wars?

 

Is someone watching Star Wars _without_ him?

 

He walks to the bridge, and the unmistakable music gets louder. Sure enough, someone is watching _Rogue One_ on the screen in Rip’s office. Without inviting him. He’d take it as an insult, if he took anything as an insult.

 

Instead, he takes it as an opportunity. He’s too tired to continue using a blowtorch, as Gideon helpfully informed him after she shut off all power to his tools, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s tired enough to go to sleep.

 

Ray crosses the threshold of the bridge, and takes in the familiar shape of Leonard Snart’s head. His close-cropped hair and tense shoulders are unmistakable. It’s not the last person Ray had expected it to be, but it sure as heck comes close.

 

“Hey,” Ray says as greeting, and doesn’t miss the small jump from the other man. He doesn’t comment; he figures Snart’s been through enough in the last few weeks without being teased for being startled in the middle of the night.

 

“Raymond,” Snart drawls, to Ray’s complete lack of surprise. “I should’ve known putting on Star Wars would summon our resident _nerd_.”

 

“You really should have!” Ray walks up the few stairs into the office and grabs one of the chairs. “Mind if I join?” he asks, already moving the chair to face the screen.

 

Snart gestures magnanimously at the screen, and Ray settles down in the comfy chair. He’s seen _Rogue One_ the least of all the Star Wars movies, only about sixteen times, but he still has a backlog of facts to go along with it.

 

“Oh! I love this scene! Did you know that Mads—”

 

“Raymond.” Snart cuts him off, sounding annoyed. “I haven’t seen this movie yet. I’d prefer it if you didn’t babble throughout the entirety of it.”

 

“Oh,” Ray says, “sorry!”

 

A few minutes pass in silence, but Ray has never been good at keeping his mouth shut.

 

“You haven’t seen it yet?”

 

Snart glares over at him. “I’ve been a little _dead_ , Raymond. And a _little_ brainwashed.”

 

“Oh. Right. Sorry.”

 

Ray’s embarrassment keeps him silent…briefly.

 

“A lot of people find CGI Tarkin creepy, but I think it fits the—”

 

“Raymond,” Snart says again, “shut up.”

 

Ray shuts up.

 

For another few minutes.

 

“I didn’t know you liked Star Wars enough to watch it alone in the middle of the night!”

 

Snart sighs and Ray can just barely make out an eye roll from the light shining off the screen.

 

There’s no response past that, and Ray manages to keep quiet for another, very small, gap of time.

 

“Did you know that Donnie Yen initially turned down the role of—”

 

Snart abruptly stands up and stalks over to Ray’s chair, sitting down sharply on the arm. He shoots his arm out, wrapping it around Ray’s shoulders, his hand ending up firmly over Ray’s mouth.

 

Ray really should have seen something like this coming but, to be fair, this is the most Leonard Snart has ever touched him, so it’s really unexpected, to say the least.

 

“Sorry,” he tries to say, into Snart’s hand. His words are too muffled to make out and Snart ignores him anyway, staring intently at the screen. Well, if Snart is gonna physically keep him quiet, Ray can at least make the best of the situation. He wraps his own arm around Snart’s waist, snuggling up close to his side.

 

Snart looks down at him. “What are you doing, Raymond?” he asks, confused.

 

“Mmrrph,” is what the word sounds like with a hand over his mouth.

 

“What?” Snart removes his hand, keeping it barely an inch away from Ray’s lips.

 

“Cuddling,” Ray chirps.

 

“Why?” Snart asks.

 

Ray shrugs. “I like cuddling.”

 

“… _O_ kay. Whatever.” Snart puts his hand back over Ray’s mouth, turning back to the movie.

 

A good chunk of the movie goes by before Snart starts squirming on the arm of the chair, shifting his weight from side to side. After a few minutes of this, Ray has had enough. He pries Snart’s hand away from his mouth.

 

“You know, arms aren’t the most comfortable part of the chair to sit on,” he says quickly, since Snart is trying to push his hand back over Ray’s mouth. “If you insist on staying to keep me quiet, you could, I don’t know, sit on my lap? I’d be okay with that.”

 

Snart stares at him again, relinquishing control of his hand in favor of looking inquiringly at Ray. He must like what he sees in Ray’s eyes, because he slides down after a contemplative minute. He settles down half-sideways on Ray’s legs, repositioning his arm so his hand is over Ray’s mouth again.

 

Ray never thought this would be a situation he got himself into, but he lets himself enjoy the comforting weight of the man on top of him. Snart smells good, almost minty. Of course Captain Cold would smell like wintergreen, what with his flair for the dramatic and his overwhelming commitment to his _theme_.

 

Ray’s got one arm wrapped around Snart’s waist, and he settles his other hand down on Snart’s thigh. Snart looks like he’s about to comment on it, but refocuses his attention on _Rogue One_ instead.

 

They finish out the rest of the movie like this, in comfortable silence. Well, only because Snart refuses to remove his hand from Ray’s mouth, otherwise there would be a lot more talking.

 

Snart stands up as soon as the movie ends, stretching up towards the ceiling. Ray watches him, already missing the comfort of another body pressed to his.

 

Of course, his mouth starts talking before his brain can catch up with it.

 

“You know, it’s really awesome to watch _A New Hope_ as soon as you finish _Rogue One_ because of how they tied the stories together, and I’d be okay with watching another movie if you’re not too tired. They did such a good job, and it’s just so fascinating to watch one right after the other and look at how they fit everything in so—”

 

“Please stop speaking.” Snart turns around to look at Ray. His expression is softer than Ray had expected it to be, and there’s a bone-deep exhaustion on his face that makes Ray regret saying anything in the first place. Well, Snart can always turn him down. Ray expects it, at this point, for Snart to turn him down at every chance.

 

What he says instead is, “Okay. We can watch _A New Hope_. It’s not like I’ll be able to sleep anyway.”

 

“No?” Ray asks.

 

“No,” Snart replies. “Not tired.”

 

It’s a lie, but Ray lets him have it. He holds up his arms, and Snart raises an eyebrow at him. “Come on,” Ray says, “you’re comfy. And warm. I didn’t really expect that from Captain Cold but, I mean, I guess you’re still only human, so it wouldn’t make sense for you to _actually_ be cold, and—”

 

Snart sits back down on him, and Ray shuts up. Briefly.

 

“Have you seen this movie a lot?”

 

“Yeah,” Snart replies. He’s quiet for a minute, watching Stormtroopers fire at and miss all intended targets. When he speaks again, Ray is somewhat surprised at the openness of his words. “Lisa and I had a movie night every week, back when I was raising her. I’d cook, or we’d order takeout, and we’d watch a few movies. Star Wars was a favorite, for both of us. Shit fathers, and all that.”

 

Snart sounds like he’s half asleep, his words slurred slightly. Ray knows he’s not drunk, there’s not a single beer bottle or used glass anywhere near the two of them.

 

“Yeah, I guess you two probably related to Luke and Leia,” Ray says. “I mean, without that weird kiss they had, that’s gross!”

 

Snart laughs, a huff of breath. “Yeah. Lisa’s a lot like Leia. I’m nothing like Luke; but, Lis’, she loves to charge in and take control. Leia was always her favorite. Self-rescuing princess. Light at the end of the tunnel…”

 

Ray wants to ask what he means, but realizes that Snart has fallen asleep. His eyes twitch behind his eyelids and his breathing evens out. Ray would normally wake him up and get him back to his room, but something about the way he’d looked earlier stops Ray from doing so. Snart is exhausted, so Ray lets him sleep.

 

That is, until his legs start falling asleep, something that does tend to happen when someone heavy sits on you without shifting position for over half an hour.

 

“Gideon, turn the movie off,” Ray says quietly, grabbing carefully at Snart’s shoulder.

 

Snart startles awake with a small gasp, and Ray feels his heart lurch. He hates to wake up the other man, but he was really starting to get uncomfortable. Snart groans, leaning forward to put his head in his hands. Ray would like to let him take his time, but his legs really hurt.

 

“Ow,” Ray says, and immediately regrets it, as Snart looks back at him.

 

“What? Did I, uh, do something to you in my sleep?”

 

“No, my legs are just asleep,” Ray replies, trying to sound reassuring.

 

Snart stands, unsteady, and Ray leans forward to brace him.

 

“I thought I…” Snart stops, blinking.

 

“You thought you what?” Ray asks.

 

“I wasn’t sure if I lashed out. I, uh, I seem to keep doing that lately. When I’m not waking up screaming, that is.” He blinks again, then seems to realize what he said. “You know, I’m just gonna go to sleep. Thanks for the movie, Raymond.”

 

“Wait.” Ray stops him. “You wake up screaming?”

 

“Yeah. It’s fine, not a big deal.” Snart crosses his arms over his chest, daring Ray to say something.

 

If there’s something Ray loves, though, it’s running headfirst into danger with no regard for his own safety.

 

“Is it because you were brought back by the Legion of Doom using the Spear of Destiny and then they brainwashed you to do terrible things and you have nightmares about it?” Ray asks, reaching out and grasping disparate pieces of information to form a complete picture of the mental state of the man standing in front of him, now looking slightly shell-shocked.

 

“Um.”

 

“Is that a yes?”

 

Snart just shrugs. “It’ll pass.”

 

“You slept okay just now,” Ray says, pushing his luck. “Was it because of me?”

 

Snart’s expression shifts, but Ray can’t make it out anymore. On anyone else, he’d almost call it scared. On Snart, he thinks it might be trepidation.

 

“Maybe,” Snart admits, quiet enough that Ray has to strain to hear it, and still almost misses it.

 

Ray is worried. Snart’s been jumpy, exhausted, sluggish on missions. He’s been missing things, his eyes clouded over and dull, and Ray now thinks he understands why.

 

“You haven’t been sleeping,” Ray says, and it’s not a question. He’s thinking out loud at this point, and Snart doesn’t step in to correct him, so he moves forward. “You were able to sleep just then, in my arms. I could help, I could sleep with you—um. I didn’t mean it like that.” Ray can feel a blush forming.

 

“I _know_ , Raymond,” Snart says, smirking. It’s the most Ray’s seen Snart smile since he got back.

 

“I just meant, uh, we could cuddle and maybe you could sleep through the night and be well-rested, we could try it and see if it works, I just want you to be able to sle—”

 

“Shut up, Raymond,” Snart says. He tilts his head, staring at Raymond. Then, all of a sudden, he droops. “I’m exhausted. You’re right, as much as I hate to admit it. I haven’t slept through the night since…since you all brought me back. Might as well give it a go. Nothing else seems to be working.”

 

Ray beams at him. “One human body pillow, coming right up!”

 

Snart rolls his eyes, but lets Ray walk with him to his room. They make the decision to sleep in Snart’s room, since he wants to get used to being asleep in his own bed again. Ray is only happy to agree, not just because his bed is currently covered in scrap metal and tools, but mostly because of that.

 

Snart goes into the bathroom as soon as they get into his room, and Ray takes a second to look around. The room is bare, almost spartan. The only items left out are the cold gun, propped up against the wall, and a picture of Lisa, taped to the wall above the desk.

 

There’s also a small tablet, resting on the desk, and Ray clicks it on briefly to find a book open on it. It’s titled _Radiance_ , and Ray sees a few lines about a spaceship. Science fiction is not what he would have expected to find Snart reading…

 

He hears Snart’s electric toothbrush stop, and clicks the tablet off again. He doesn’t want Snart to catch him snooping. Not that he doesn’t think Snart hasn’t snooped through all of their things. Still, that’s _his_ thing. Ray is definitely not as skilled at sneaking as the resident master thief.

 

Ray needs to stop prying and get ready for bed. Not having pajamas might be an issue, he thinks, but only if Snart is weird about it. Ray is perfectly comfortable being half-naked. He decides to just go for it, throwing his v-neck and jeans over the stool that’s bolted to the floor in front of the desk. If Snart has a problem, he can say something.

 

The only problem now is that Ray is standing in the middle of Leonard Snart’s room, in just his red plaid boxers. True to form, Snart’s room is just above freezing. Not that the Waverider is particularly warm at the best of times, but Snart’s room is frigid. Ray wraps his arms around himself and perches at the edge of the bed. He’s about to snatch the blanket off the perfectly-made bed to curl around him, but Snart comes out of the bathroom.

 

“Your turn,” he says, and then pauses and takes in Ray, half-naked and shivering. His eyes linger on Ray’s broad chest and make their way down the rest of his body. Ray feels himself blushing, but forces any awkwardness away. They’re going to cuddle in bed together, they should have some sort of comfort with each other’s bodies.

 

Snart, for his part, is wearing black sweatpants that cling to his hips in a way that makes Ray swallow. He’s definitely too bi for this, but it’s too late to back out now. Snart is also wearing a t-shirt that’s slightly too big, and Ray realizes this is the most of Snart’s skin he’s ever seen. As he brushes past to go into the bathroom, he realizes the lines he’d thought were a trick of the light are actually scars, dotting Snart’s arms.

 

“Wha—” he starts to ask about them, reaching out to touch.

 

Snart pulls back, as if he’s been burned. “There’s an extra toothbrush on the right side of the sink that you can use,” he snaps, and backs away.

 

Ray nods, deciding that he’s pushed his luck enough for one night. He shuts the bathroom door behind him, seeing the toothbrush right where Snart said it would be. He takes his time in the bathroom, doing a bit more snooping. There’s a bottle of sleeping pills in the cabinet, next to an obscene amount of skin care products. Ray smiles, thinking of Snart having a meticulous skin care routine.

 

When he leaves the bathroom, he’s hit in the face by a pair of large, gray sweatpants that smell slightly singed.

 

“Are these Mick’s?” he asks, examining them.

 

Snart just grunts at him.

 

“Did you have these in your room already?” Ray asks. Snart raises an eyebrow. “I mean, not that I mind if you did, it’s not really that weird…okay, it’s a little weird. If you already had them in here, and you and Mick are, like, I don’t know, then why isn’t he doing this for you? Not that I mind, because I offered and stuff, but—”

 

“I just grabbed them from his room, a minute ago,” Snart says, cutting him off. “Not that it’s any of your business, but Mick and I aren’t like that. We’re _family_ , but we’re not together.”

 

“Okay!” Ray says, a bit too loud. “Not that I would mind if you were, I’m totally cool with it, you know, I’m bi, so it’s not a big deal or anything…”

 

“Raymond, please, for the love of god, _stop speaking_.”

 

Ray complies and puts the sweatpants on. They’re a little big, but the elastic waist keeps them somewhat on his hips. He notices that Snart’s eyes are on that waistband, as Ray hikes them up slightly to keep them from falling down.

 

“Are you gonna wear a shirt?” Snart asks, his eyes slowly moving up Ray’s stomach to his chest.

 

Ray shrugs as Snart’s eyes finally flick up to meet his own. “If it bothers you, I can. Otherwise, I don’t really care.”

 

“It’s fine,” Snart says, a little too quickly. Ray grins, pleased with this reaction. He’s not exactly cocky, but he knows he has a great body, and it’s nice when it gets appreciated. Especially by someone as attractive as Snart.

 

“So…” Ray starts, remembering how exhausted Snart must be, and how late it currently is.

 

“Right,” Snart says, “sleep. How do you wanna do this?” He sounds unsure, like he hasn’t really done this before. Well, maybe he hasn’t. Ray’s not sure if Snart’s even been in a relationship. He’s certainly never mentioned it, and Ray doesn’t think a criminal lifestyle exactly fits with a relationship. Unless, of course, Snart dated another criminal.

 

Ray pulls himself out of this train of thought before he gets too distracted. “We could spoon?” he says tentatively, turning it into a question. Snart nods, and climbs into bed. Ray climbs in behind him, fitting his body around the curve of Snart’s.

 

There’s a tension running throughout Snart’s body, and Ray tries to make a comforting noise to calm him down. Snart just huffs at him.

 

Ray smiles, draping his arm over Snart’s waist and shushing him. “Relax, Leonard,” he mutters into Snart’s ear.

 

Snart shivers, but some of the tension floods out of him. Soon enough, Ray can feel him relax fully and his breathing even out once again as he falls asleep. Mission accomplished, Ray follows him into sleep, snuggled up close against his back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leonard "huge nerd" Snart is reading _Radiance_ by Catherynne M. Valente, because he's currently reading her entire body of work, I don't make the rules.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard has a few regrets. And surprisingly poor interpersonal skills.

"Because you choose a course once, because you choose one sequence out of many possible, do not think it is the only time. You must choose it again and again."  
_The Labyrinth_ , Catherynne M. Valente

 

* * *

 

 When Leonard wakes up, he thinks he’s still dreaming. Someone is pressed up against his back, warm and solid and comforting. As his senses come back to him, his memories start to return as well and, oh fuck, _Raymond_.

 

There _is_ a person in his bed, it’s Ray Palmer, and Leonard is _so very fucked_.

 

The only excuse for this massive lapse in judgment is that Leonard was past the point of exhaustion the previous evening, what with his inability to sleep through the night. And, well, Raymond’s presence did enable him to do that. He slept. He slept _well_.

 

That’s the kicker, isn’t it? It’s just his luck that a variety of sleeping pills wasn’t enough, but the mere presence of this human puppy was all he needed to get a good night’s sleep. He knows that Mick is going to tease him mercilessly for this, just like when they first signed on to the crew, for Leonard’s not-so-small crush on the boy scout.

 

Leonard had hoped those feelings had gone away, but he knew he was kidding himself.

 

Plus, with the events of last night, it seems as though Raymond wouldn’t be opposed to starting something with him.

 

The problem is that nothing feels real right now. Ever since he was brought back to himself, ever since the Legends pulled him out of his brainwashed state, he feels a million miles away from everything. He keeps slipping, falling, losing threads, losing time. Everything is so _loud_ and _bright_ and _fake_.

 

How can he start something with another person when reality feels stretched too thin, bleeding away at the edges?

 

Raymond stirs behind him, and Leonard is brought out of his reverie. He shifts, pushing away the hand curled up at his chest, slipping out from under the (very nicely muscled) arm draped over his ribs.

 

“Mmm, stay,” Raymond mutters, more asleep than not, reaching back out for Leonard.

 

“Get out,” Leonard says in response, sitting up and stretching.

 

Raymond actually whines. On anyone else, Leonard would call it pathetic. On Raymond, it’s disgustingly cute. Leonard still hates it.

 

“Out,” he orders, climbing over Raymond and avoiding all attempts the man makes to grab him and pull him back into bed.

 

Raymond sits up finally, rubbing at his eyes. “Why?” he asks, in another whine.

 

Leonard grinds his teeth. That fucking _whine_. “I don’t want the team knowing you spent the night. I’d never hear the end of it. Go back to your room, before they all wake up and flood into the hallway.” Leonard starts to walk into the bathroom, to start his morning routine, but Raymond asks a question that makes him pause.

 

“Did you sleep okay?” Raymond’s voice is sleep-rough but still dripping with enough concern to make Leonard want to melt.

 

As it is, it pulls honesty from him like a lure, tugging the word out. “Yes.” He turns around to see Raymond’s grin.

 

“I’m glad.” Raymond’s eyes are shining, and he is too gorgeous in the morning to be in any way fair. His hair is a tousled mess and his face has a softer look of intensity. It’s quieter than his usual manic energy, almost calm. “What do you need from me in the future? You want me to keep sleeping with you?” he asks, still full of concern.

 

Leonard’s heart lurches, and he deflects. “You wanna _sleep with me_ , Raymond?” he drawls, smirking.

 

Raymond is unabashed at this early hour of the morning. “You know what I mean, Snart. I’m happy to keep doing this if it helps you sleep.”

 

It’s a thrilling prospect. Leonard does have to admit that he feels clearer than he has in a while, after actually sleeping through the few short hours they were in bed together for.

 

“Fine,” he says finally. “Get out, though.”

 

“Okay! See you at breakfast!” Raymond chirps behind him.

 

Leonard steps into the bathroom and shuts the door. He leans back against the wall, listening to Raymond’s steps and, finally, the door whooshing open and shut as the boy scout leaves.

 

Some amount of time, a shower, and various other hygienic tasks later, Leonard hears a knocking on his door. It’s a familiar pattern, and he heads out of the bathroom, wrapped only in a towel, to let Mick in. Mick grins, throwing himself down on the chair that Raymond’s clothes had been draped over, only a little while ago.

 

“Well?” Mick asks, as Leonard opens and closes various drawers, pulling clothes out of them.

 

“Well, what?” Leonard asks, knowing and not caring that Mick wants to hear about what happened last night. About why Leonard slipped into his room at an obscene hour to steal a pair of sweatpants. Something he would only need to do for the one other member of the team who’s larger than he is.

 

Mick crosses his arms across his chest and leans back against the desk. “Well, you gonna tell me what Haircut was doin’ in your room last night? And you gonna give me my sweatpants back?”

 

“No, I’m not,” Leonard says, bringing his clothes into the bathroom so he can get dressed.

 

“Not what?” Mick calls through the door. “Not gonna tell me, or not gonna give my sweatpants back?”

 

“Either,” Leonard calls back. When he’s dressed, he heads back out, to see Mick fiddling with a piece of metal. “What’s that?”

 

“Found it on the floor,” Mick says, tossing it to him. It looks like the material that the ATOM suit is made from and Leonard groans. It must have fallen out of Raymond’s pocket. “Did’ya sleep with him?” Mick asks, smirking.

 

Nothing left to do but tell the truth, Leonard thinks. “Not in the way you’re thinking, but, yeah. You know I haven’t been sleeping well?” he asks, aware that Mick knows before the other man nods. “Well, apparently, I _can_ sleep when I’m in Raymond’s arms. And, well, being Raymond, he offered to share my bed and help me sleep.”

 

“Nice of him,” Mick says. “Ya gonna make a move?”

 

Leonard leans back against the wall, crossing his arms. “What makes you think I want to?”

 

Mick snorts. “You’ve been weak for Haircut since we joined up. I know you like the tall, dorky ones. Come on, Snart, what’s stopping you?”

 

“A lifetime of repressing my emotions,” Leonard mutters.

 

Mick pretends not to hear him. “Ah, right, you’re an ass.”

 

Leonard just shakes his head. “Stop berating me for being something we both know I am, and let’s get breakfast.”

 

The second Leonard gets to the mess hall with Mick, he knows he should’ve coached Raymond better on how to be subtle when you’re sneaking around behind the backs of your teammates. Raymond grins and waves when he sees Leonard. Leonard responds by rolling his eyes, hoping to deter the boy scout.

 

It does no such thing, and Raymond calls for Leonard and Mick to join him and Nate at their table. Instead of doing that, Leonard collects a cup of iced coffee and an omelet and sits down at the table that Sara and Jax have claimed.

 

Mick sits down next to Raymond, chuckling to himself. Nate looks slightly scared, but Raymond just smiles at Mick. Not that Leonard is glancing over at the boy scout instead of focusing on his food.

 

“Leonard,” Sara says, holding up her coffee mug in greeting. Jax doesn’t twitch; his head is down on the table, resting on his arms.

 

“Is he asleep?” Leonard asks, through a bite of eggs.

 

“Waiting for my waffles,” Jax says in a muffled voice, still not lifting his head. He doesn’t move until the waffle maker dings, then he shoots up and darts away. Leonard watches in horrified fascination as Jax, not wasting any time after sitting back down, dumps butter and an obscene amount of syrup on his waffles, before shoving them ungracefully in his mouth.

 

“That’s disgusting, Jax. Can you please eat like an adult?” Sara asks, pushing at his shoulder.

 

Jax’s only response is to grin at her as he shovels more waffles in his mouth. His breakfast is gone in a record amount of time and he scurries off, muttering something about the engines.

 

Sara sips at her coffee, her head propped up on her hand, eyeing Leonard.

 

“What?” he asks, after a minute of trying to ignore her.

 

“Why are you avoiding Ray?” Sara is too observant for her own good.

 

Leonard sighs. “I’m _not_.”

 

Sara puts her mug down. “Okay, we can play it like that. Why did you sit with me and Jax instead of sitting at Ray’s table with Mick?”

 

“The pleasure of your company.” Leonard smirks at her, but Sara only gives him a tight-lipped fake smile in return.

 

“I thought we were past that, _Leonard_.”

 

Ouch. She just had to bring up his stupid declaration of feelings. “We are,” he says shortly. “I have no interest in anything past your friendship, Sara. _Captain_.”

 

“Good.” Sara stands up and leans over him. “Don’t be an idiot about Ray,” she says, patting his shoulder. Then she saunters off, leaving Leonard alone at the table.

 

At the next table over, Mick has already disappeared, and Leonard overhears Raymond telling Nate, “I’ll meet you in the library in a few minutes.”

 

Leonard picks at his eggs, waiting as the room clears out.

 

“You know,” Raymond says, sitting down next to him, “we shared a bed last night, the least you could do is not ignore me.”

 

“Say it a little louder, why don’t you?” Leonard glares at him.

 

Raymond isn’t deterred in the slightest, and he grabs Leonard’s hand. “Look, I get not wanting the team to know about our arrangement, but you could at least acknowledge my existence.” Leonard tries to pull his hand back, but Raymond’s grip is strong. “Look, Leonard, we’re friends, I know you consider me a friend, and I’m not asking you for the world here. I’m just asking you to not ignore me because you feel weird about us sharing a bed or something.”

 

Leonard just stares at him in shock. He’s so stunned that he lets Raymond take control of his hand, threading their fingers together. “Friends?” he asks, his voice sounding far away.

 

Raymond’s smile is half radiant, half sad. “Yeah, Leonard. You’re my friend, and I’m not really sure why you’re shocked by that. You’re a part of the team, and you’re important to us. To me.”

 

Blood rushes in Leonard’s ears, and he’s sure he’d be blushing if he were capable of it. He pushes back from the table, knocking his chair over as he yanks his hand out of Raymond’s.

 

Raymond looks up at him, worried and confused. “Did I say something wrong, Leonard?” he asks, his big eyes getting watery.

 

Leonard can’t take that, can’t take making Raymond cry. Again. He turns and walks out, leaving his food behind him on the table. He’ll clean it up later, if Raymond doesn’t do it for him.

 

He’s not used to this, not used to people just pouring feelings all over him. Not used to making good men cry. Raymond had cried, when Leonard finally came back to himself, when the Legends figured out how to short-circuit the brainwashing the Legion had used. Leonard had opened his eyes to Ray Palmer, crying at him.

 

It was jarring. One moment he was in front of the Oculus, the light filling him up and turning him into nothingness; the next, he was waking up in the med bay of the Waverider, with nothing left but flashes of the last few weeks with the Legion to startle him out of sleep in the middle of the night. Waking up to Raymond, leaning over him looking exhausted but happy, with tears leaking out of his eyes.

 

“Welcome back,” Raymond had said, and Leonard was speechless. It was only after Sara explained to him what had happened that he understood the tears.

 

He’d been dead. Then he’d been alive, but back to the cruel, cold person he’d been before he became obsessed with the Flash, before he met Barry Allen, before he joined the Legends. The killer, the menace. _Worse_ , according to Mick. Then, he’d been back. Back to the person he’d become when he sacrificed himself for the team—unsure, uncertain, thawing.

 

That’s the worst part of all this; he’d love to be sure of anything. He had been so confident, before. Before the Scarlet Speedster shook up his entire worldview. He’d known his place in the world, how to treat people, how to manipulate them to get his way. And if he didn’t get his way, how to kill them neatly and efficiently. Now there’s a bone-crushing guilt, a weight on his shoulders, and nothing feels right.

 

It would be easy to blame it on the Spear, on being brought back from the cold emptiness of death, but honestly he’d been feeling the uncertainty in the few weeks leading up to his death. It had been simple, to put that on Sara: to read romance into what, at its core, was a friendship built on mutual respect and inner monsters.

 

It had been easy, then, to let go. To say, ‘there’s nothing for me here,’ and hold down the lever. It took away the responsibility, the knowledge that he was changing, growing—something he hadn’t done since he hardened his heart against his father’s cruelty.

 

Well, his father is still dead.

 

And he’s alive. Still. Again.

 

Another thing he has in common with Sara, now. Another thing to add to the things he can see about himself, reflected in her eyes. A second life. The monster, disappearing. Except her eyes now show a certainty and a determination that he can’t quite find in himself anymore. She’s truly found her place as captain, and he’s still adrift.

 

His feet take him to Mick’s room, which might be helpful, if Mick was actually in his room. So many things have changed since Leonard, well, _died_ : Mick is close with Stein and Jax and…Raymond. Mick has friends, and Leonard feels at sea without the steady presence the other man had afforded him.

 

So Leonard goes to the bridge instead, to watch Sara and Amaya argue over the next course to take. There’s a heat there, he notices, from his spot on the floor, leaning back against the wall of Rip’s office. Sara’s office, now, he’s told. Rip leans in the doorway above him, observing, and interjecting occasionally. Leonard isn’t really following the conversation, he’s just letting the noise wash over him, trying to take comfort in the easy banter of his teammates.

 

There’s no comfort, though. He has nothing to say, nothing to add. It feels the same as it did before he died, only worse, since the team has grown and moved on without him. He doesn’t belong here anymore, if he ever did.

 

Mick belongs now, even if the team doesn’t always respect him. And the _new kids_ fit in better than Leonard ever did.

 

He doesn’t understand how Raymond considers him a friend, when he sees how Raymond and Nate interact. They’re clearly _friends_ , if not something more, based on the looks Nate shoots Raymond’s way sometimes. And, well, Raymond is Raymond, clinging to everyone he cares about with everything he has.

 

But, Leonard reminds himself, if they were anything more, Raymond wouldn’t be free in the evenings to share Leonard’s bed. If they were anything more, Raymond wouldn’t have held his arms out in an invitation to curl back up on his lap, wouldn’t have wrapped his arms tight around Leonard’s waist, wouldn’t have held Leonard close through the night.

 

So, Leonard supposes he and Raymond could be friends. Do people cuddle with their friends like he and Raymond did last night? He thinks not, at least not men, but Leonard has never really had a friendship with someone who wasn’t Mick. At least not a _normal_ friendship. He supposes he and Barry are friends, even if half of Central City still calls them arch-nemeses. That’s definitely not a gold standard, not something to judge other relationships by.

 

His friendship with Sara doesn’t seem normal either; it’s based on drinking together, playing cards, and specifically _not_ talking about feelings. Who knows, though?

 

And he’s not sure his relationship with Lisa could be considered a friendship. Not when he raised her; not when she’s a combination of little sister and daughter and the only person in the world who truly understands him. That’s _family_. Leonard will always love her, he has no choice.

 

There’s something about decisions, in friendship. Something he can’t quite put his finger on. Something about making a choice, and making it over and over again.

 

He’s broken out of his thoughts by Nate, who wanders onto the bridge, sees Leonard, and immediately stalks over to him.

 

“What the hell did you do to Ray?” he asks, glaring.

 

“Excuse me?” Leonard responds, filling his voice to the brim with ice. He tries to ignore the way the focus in the room shifts to him immediately. He tries to block out the curious stares of his teammates as Nate continues to berate him.

 

“Ray was really upset when he came into the library! He wouldn’t tell me what happened, but you were the last person with him, so what did you do?”

 

Leonard doesn’t like Nate looming over him, so he stands up in one, fluid motion. Nate backs off a step.

 

“What makes you think I would tell you, if Raymond didn’t say anything?” Leonard asks.

 

Nate crosses his arms over his chest, trying to look fierce. “I don’t know why, but Ray likes you. The least you could do is not be a dick to him.”

 

“Clearly, Raymond has bad taste,” Leonard spits out.

 

“Can you maybe just respect him? He said you’re his friend!” Nate half-yells, reaching out to poke Leonard in the chest.

 

Leonard neatly avoids Nate’s jab, and the words slip out: “He’s _my_ friend, too.”

 

He hadn’t meant to say that, especially not to Nate. The only person who needs to know that information is Raymond, but it’s too late for that. Leonard blames his still-lingering exhaustion, still present after only half a good night’s sleep.

 

Sara steps in between them. “Enough!” she says. “I don’t think Ray would appreciate the two of you fighting over him, especially when he _isn_ _’t here_. Nate, let Ray fight his own battles. Leonard, I don’t know what you did, but I _literally_ told you not to be an idiot this morning. Go fix things with Ray, or I will kick your ass myself. I need him focused on the project he’s working on, and this is not helpful.”

 

When Leonard opens his mouth like he’s going to say anything, Sara shakes her head sharply.

 

“Nope,” she says. “I don’t care, I don’t want to hear it. You are banned from the bridge until you fix whatever it is you did.”

 

“Fine,” Leonard says, and stalks off, headed to Raymond’s room.

 

Raymond’s door is open when he gets there, and Raymond has bits of metal strewn over the top of his bed, a screwdriver behind his ear, and…is that a soldering iron between his teeth?

 

“Raymond,” Leonard says quietly, “why is that in your mouth?”

 

“Hmm?” Raymond looks up, pulling the iron out of his mouth. Thankfully, from the correct side. “Oh, hey, Leonard. I didn’t have anywhere to put it on the bed, so I just—”

 

“You could have seriously injured yourself,” Leonard says, striding forward to snatch it out of Raymond’s hand. “Why are you working on your bed? You have a desk _and_ a lab!”

 

Raymond’s face, already screwed up in concentration mode, falls. “Did you just come here to yell at me?”

 

Shit. Leonard feels like even more of an asshole. “No,” he says quietly. “I’m sorry.” He holds the soldering iron back out. Raymond takes it and flicks it off, arranging bits of tech into a makeshift stand to set it down on.

 

They look at each other for a minute. Leonard tries to find words, but they keep slipping away, running off, sticking at the back of his throat.

 

But, he has to say something. This _is_ his fault, he should fix it. If only so he doesn’t have to look at the sad expression on Raymond’s face any longer.

 

“I’ve never exactly had a good role model for relationships, for friendships. I don’t know how to…” He pauses, shaking his head.

 

“Hey,” Raymond says, trying and failing to get up without disrupting the pile of tech scattered across his lap. “It’s okay!”

 

Leonard shakes his head, wondering if Raymond even respects himself. “What? No,” he says. “I was an asshole when you were trying to help. You can’t just forgive me instantly. I may not fully understand how friendship works, but I do know it’s not like _that_. You can’t let me walk all over you, that’s not _okay_ , Raymond. Stand up for yourself. To me.” Rant over, Leonard stands there, unsure of what to do with himself.

 

Raymond, for his part, looks shocked. “Leonard, I’m sorry,” he says.

 

“Don’t apologize,” Leonard says, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers. “That’s not—” He looks up and sees that Raymond looks upset again. “This is a mess. I shouldn’t have come here.”

 

He turns to leave, but Raymond shoots a hand out, scattering parts everywhere as he lurches forward to grab Leonard’s arm. He latches on, pulling Leonard forward into an awkward hug. Well, Leonard thinks, it’s only awkward because Raymond is kneeling at the edge of his bed, and it feels like he’s going to topple off at any second.

 

Raymond nuzzles into the crook of Leonard’s neck, and Leonard kind of wants to die. Again. Oh god, this is too good to be true. “Raymond, what are you doing?” he asks, trying to keep his voice level.

 

“Hugging you,” Raymond says, like it should be the most obvious thing in the world.

 

“Okay, but—”

 

“Am I interrupting something?” Nate asks from the doorway, sounding mixed between peeved and confused.

 

 _Shit_. Just what Leonard didn’t need; Nate the Killjoy, interrupting what was actually a nice moment. Without thinking, he takes a quick step back. Unfortunately, this causes Raymond to topple forward off the bed.

 

Leonard manages to catch him, barely, but falls over in the process, landing hard on his ass on the floor. Raymond flops ungracefully on top of him, forehead connecting with Leonard’s lower lip. He tastes blood as he shoves Raymond off and stands up.

 

“Um…you guys okay?” Nate asks.

 

“ _Peachy_ ,” Leonard responds, holding out a hand to help Raymond up. Raymond immediately pokes Leonard’s split lip with a finger. “ _Ow_ , Raymond.”

 

“Sorry,” Raymond says, looking sheepish. “I wasn’t expecting you to back up so quickly.”

 

Nate clears his throat. “I’ll, uh, leave you guys to it?”

 

Leonard pushes Raymond’s hand away and steps back. “No, I should go to the med bay and get this fixed up. You can stay.” He turns and walks out, hearing Nate ask Raymond about what had happened between the two of them before he walked in. He doesn’t stick around to hear Raymond’s answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Ruth for being a fantastic beta! <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two stand on unsteady ground - decisions were made late last night that may not have been made in the light of day. What happens to those decisions when they have to make them again?

“To touch a person...to sleep with a person...is to become a pioneer," she whispered then, "a frontiersman at the edge of their private world, the strange, incomprehensible world of their interior, filled with customs you could never imitate, a language which sounds like your own but is really totally foreign, knowable only to them.”

- _Palimpsest_ , Catherynne M. Valente

 

* * *

 

 

Ray usually likes sharing things with Nate. Most of the time, he likes telling Nate about what he’s thinking or feeling, but something is different with this. With Snart.

 

Part of it might be that Leonard had asked Ray to keep their _arrangement_ a secret, but the questions Nate asks have no relation to Ray and Snart sharing a bed. Obviously, because the whole point is that Nate _doesn’t_ know about it.

 

The questions are more, “What was up with that hug, man?” and, “Do you think Snart has a thing for you?”

 

Ray evades the questions as neatly as he’s able, as Nate helps him move his work off his bed and into the lab, where he should have been working all along.

 

“Do _you_ have a thing for Snart?” Nate finally asks, as Ray finishes setting up his work station.

 

Ray sighs. “I don’t know,” he admits. It’s not really the truth. He can feel himself on the way to it: can feel the pull, the magnetism of the early stages of a crush. The attraction is there, the flutter in his heart when Snart meets his eyes with that sharp intensity. Sleeping in the same bed isn’t going to help that.

 

He can already feel himself getting in too deep. The hug threw him off balance, literally, with how Snart had reacted. How Snart had practically _melted_ against him. Ray doesn’t think Snart was even aware he’d done it. But their bodies fit together perfectly…

 

“Ray?” Nate asks, waving his hand in front of Ray’s face, and Ray realizes he’d gotten lost in his own thoughts.

 

“Yeah, sorry, what?”

 

Nate shakes his head. “Never mind. I’ll leave you to your project.”

 

It should be easier to work, now that Ray isn’t upset anymore, but he still finds himself easily distracted, thinking about the press of Snart’s body against his, of how it felt landing on top of the other man, even with accidentally headbutting him. In the end, it takes him about an hour longer to finish his project than it should have.

 

The rest of the day flies by so fast, Ray barely blinks and it’s gone. He only sees Snart in passing, and they miss each other in the dining room. All too soon, it’s night, and Ray is anxious. It’s late enough that everyone has retreated to their rooms, either alone or with someone.

 

Not that Ray pries into the lives of his teammates. Not that he knows who else shares each other’s rooms, at times. It’s just that it’s a small ship, and secrets are hard to keep. He’s not sure how long he and Snart will be able to keep their arrangement secret, because of that, but he’ll hold out as long as he can.

 

So it’s late, but it’s still too early for sleep. It might also be too early to head to Snart’s room, but Ray can’t focus on his calculations, on the book he pulls out, on anything but what might happen tonight. Nothing, is probably the answer. Just curling up in the same bed and going to sleep. Casual, platonic, sleeping. Together.

 

Right.

 

Ray sighs. He doesn’t care about the time anymore, he’s had about enough. He just needs to get this over with. He changes into sweatpants and throws a zip-up sweatshirt over his thin black tanktop. After snagging Mick’s sweatpants to return to the man, he slips into a pair of slippers and heads to Snart’s room.

 

When he gets to the door, he hears voices. He almost turns right around and goes back to his room, but the door slides open before he can make a decision.

 

Mick’s most evil grin greets him. “Haircut, funny seeing you here.”

 

Ray meets Snart’s eyes, expecting panic, but all he sees is calm. He cocks his head to the side, a question in his eyes.

 

Snart nods. “Yeah, he knows. Come in, before someone else sees you.”

 

Mick holds out his hand as Ray walks in. “Ya got somethin’ for me, Haircut?”

 

“Uh, yeah.  Thanks for letting me borrow them.” Ray hands the sweatpants over.

 

“Didn’t have much of a choice,” Mick says, winking. Behind him, Snart rolls his eyes. “Anyways, I was just leavin’. You two have fun tonight.”

 

Snart looks like he’s going to snark back, but Mick walks out before he can, shutting the door decisively. Or, as decisively as one _can_ with automatic doors.

 

So then it’s just Ray and Snart, alone together without the excuse of middle-of-the-night-decisions. They’re both fully awake, in the light, and it feels _strange_. Not bad; just strange.

 

“So…” Snart drawls, lingering on the word as if he doesn’t want it to fully leave his mouth.

 

Ray loses control of his mouth at that point. “So! I know it’s kinda too early to go to sleep but I got bored and I wasn’t sure what the deal was so I hope it’s okay that I just came over! Maybe I should’ve asked Gideon to ask you if it was okay but I just thought of that now, so, I didn’t do that. Obviously.”

 

“ _Ob_ viously,” Snart repeats. He doesn’t look upset, though. He had been tense when Ray entered, but Ray can see the lines of his body relaxing through the thin fabric of his pajamas.

 

Not that Ray is eyeing Snart’s body. Certainly not. He takes a deep breath, and speaks to fill the silence. “Um, so, like, I can work on a project or read or something until it’s time to go to sleep. Or, if you don’t want me in your space, I can go back to my room and you can have Gideon let me know when you wanna go to sleep…”

 

“You can stay,” Snart says, softer than he has any right to sound. “After all,” he smirks, “we didn’t finish watching _A New Hope_ last night.”

 

Ray grins at him. “You sure know how to win my heart,” he says, only half-joking.

 

“Like that’s difficult,” Snart mutters.

 

Ray’s not sure whether to be offended or not. He chooses to take it as a compliment, as he walks over to Snart’s bed.

 

“So,” Snart says again, slightly less drawn out than the last time. “How do we wanna do this?”

 

It’s a good thing Ray is good at logistics, especially when it comes to cuddling. He eyes the space they have to work with, which might have been enough space to fit both of them side by side, if only Ray’s shoulders weren’t so wide. The beds on the Waverider were definitely not built to hold two adult men.

 

“Can I position you?” Ray asks, and Snart nods. “Okay.” Ray climbs into the bed, and sits up against the wall at the head of the bed. He spreads his legs wide, feeling a little weird about it but determined to push through, and pats the bed between his legs.

 

Snart takes the cue, and half-awkwardly sits down where Ray showed him. Ray grasps Snart’s shoulders lightly, pulling his torso back against Ray’s chest. Snart’s head slots under Ray’s chin, his close-cropped hair tickling Ray’s neck slightly.

 

“This okay?” Ray asks.

 

“…Yeah,” Snart replies, after squirming around for a minute to find the most comfortable position, shifting his head to rest back on Ray’s shoulder.

 

“Good,” Ray says, tentatively placing his hands on the base of Snart’s ribcage. “Gideon, can you start from where we left off? Unless you want to start over?” he asks, directing his second question at Snart.

 

Snart shakes his head. “I’ve seen it enough times. We can pick up wherever.”

 

Gideon automatically dims the lights, and the movie starts playing, projected onto the wall at their feet from a small device sticking out of the ceiling. Ray and Jax had put them together for everyone’s rooms, after Nate complained about having to always use the bridge to watch movies. Ray thanks his past self for making this moment possible, and then all thoughts go out the window as Snart’s hands intertwine with his.

 

It’s such a tender motion, and one that Ray had definitely not been expecting. But now they’re holding hands, and Snart is relaxed against his chest, stretched out in a way that is so catlike, Ray half-expects the man to start purring. Even Snart’s face is relaxed, the wariness dropped off, the tension disappeared.

 

“Are you gonna watch the movie or stare at me?” Snart asks, without taking his eyes off the projection.

 

Ray smiles. “I can do both,” he says. Snart snorts, and they fall into silence.

 

If anything, this should be the movie that Ray chatters through. He’s seen _A New Hope_ so many times that he knows practically everything about it: every goof, every change from the theatrical version, every bit of trivia. But he’s too focused on Snart—on _Leonard_ , lying on top of him, that the movie fades to background noise.

 

Of course, Ray always loves cuddling, with anyone, at any time. The pressure of someone on top of him is always exquisite. This is different though, just like it was different last night. Even if Ray hadn’t noticed it, or acknowledged it at the time, it was different because Leonard Snart does not _touch_ people.

 

Where Mick pokes and prods, physically, Leonard just glares from a distance. Usually from wherever he’s lurking at the edge of whatever room he’s in. Ray can count on one hand the number of times he’s seen Leonard reach out and touch someone, not counting punching people in the face.

 

Ray’s also pretty sure that the only two people he’s seen Leonard choose to touch are Mick and, well, Ray himself.

 

That’s got to mean something, right? Leonard, choosing to sit on Ray, choosing to share his bed with Ray, choosing to lie down on top of Ray and settle in for a movie. That’s significant, right?

 

Leonard rubs his thumb absently across the back of Ray’s hand, then. Ray can feel himself getting warm all over, blushing bright red. He’s glad the lights are low, and that Leonard isn’t looking at him anyway.

 

Yeah, he’s absolutely already in too deep on this.

 

After another few minutes, Leonard lets out a soft noise and snuggles down on Ray even more, and Ray thinks there is no way he doesn’t know what he’s doing.

 

“Comfortable, Leonard?” Ray asks, before he can stop himself.

 

“Mmm,” is Leonard’s only response, giving Ray’s hand a squeeze before resuming rubbing his thumb back and forth.

 

“I didn’t think—” Ray cuts himself off, not wanting to spoil the moment with the words that were about to spill out of his mouth.

 

Leonard stops stroking Ray’s hand and twists up to look at Ray. “What?” he asks, warily.

 

Ray supposes he should finish the sentence. “I didn’t think you’d be this cuddly.” He waits, worried about what Snart’s response will be.

 

Snart doesn’t flinch, just keeps looking up at Ray, as if considering his next words. “ _You_ put me here,” he says finally. “Are you regretting it?”

 

“No!” Ray answers immediately. “It’s nice!” he says, a bit too loudly, aware that his face is still red and that his blush is growing. “Just, uh, unexpected.”

 

There’s silence for another long moment, until Ray can’t take it anymore.

 

“I like this,” he blurts out. “Cuddling with you, I mean. And not just because I like cuddling, I think I li—”

 

Leonard quickly disentangles his hand from Ray’s and puts it over Ray’s mouth instead. “Don’t.”

 

Ray makes a questioning noise.

 

“I’m not ready for that,” Leonard says, quietly. “Please don’t. Let’s just stay with this for now, okay?” He waits until Ray nods, and then removes his hand.

 

“I’m sorry,” Ray says.

 

Leonard shakes his head. “You don’t need to apologize. I’m not…” He pauses and turns away, staring at the movie they’ve long since neglected. Ray presses his lips together, to keep his questions internal, and not interrupt Leonard’s train of thought.

 

“I’m not saying no,” Leonard says, as Leia presents medals to Luke, Han, and Chewie. “I’m not saying never,” Leonard says, as the end credits roll. “I’m just saying I’m not ready.”

 

“Oh,” Ray says. “Okay.”

 

He thinks he should take this as a good thing, but he’s not sure. He also doesn’t want to ask; he doesn’t want to scare Leonard off. So he stays silent as they watch the credits. Ray’s glad Leonard watches until the end, because it’s a ritual for him, too. Ray likes being respectful of all the people who worked behind the scenes, and he’s happy that Leonard doesn’t just turn the movie off.

 

Then the movie is officially over, and Leonard sits up, stretching up to the ceiling. Ray is reminded again of a cat, sinewy and graceful. Even more so when Leonard yawns, jaw stretching wide, teeth gleaming in the dim light. Ray realizes he’s staring when Leonard turns to look at him, eyebrow raised.

 

“Yes, Raymond?”

 

Ray shakes his head to dislodge the words stuck underneath his tongue. “Sleep?” he asks, not answering the question Leonard was really asking.

 

Leonard nods. “Yeah, sleep. Do you want the bathroom first…?”

 

“No, it’s your room,” Ray says. “You go first.” He sits back against the headboard again as Leonard climbs out of bed and goes into the bathroom.

 

He can do this. He can keep this platonic, for as long as Leonard needs. It’s not like it’s much of a hardship. Oh no, he gets to spend time with, cuddle, and sleep next to Leonard. _How horrible_. Whoops, Ray must be picking up some sarcasm from Leonard.

 

Anyway, Ray has never found the mythical “friend zone” to be much of a problem. Sure, it would be nice if he could also kiss whoever it is he has feelings for, but if he can’t be with them romantically, at least being friends means he still gets to spend time with them.

 

Plus, it really pisses him off when fellow guys complain about the “friend zone” as if it’s something real, and a huge problem. Ray generally thinks those guys are douchebags who only want sex.

 

Sex is fine, but it’s not everything. He wants to be with someone he’s compatible with in every way, not just sexually. He can get sex in a lot of places; he’s a good-looking guy with a lot of money. Or, at least, back home he had a lot of money. Now he’s just a good-looking superhero. Anyway, the point is that Ray can have sex if he wants.

 

He’d much rather form a strong, lasting connection with someone. Regardless of whether anything sexual or romantic is involved, _connections_ are the most important thing.

 

Leonard comes out of the bathroom, interrupting Ray’s train of thought. “Your turn, Raymond.”

 

When Ray finishes and comes back out in the bedroom, Leonard has taken off his over-sized sweatshirt and is back in his t-shirt. His scars aren’t visible in the still-dim lights, but Ray knows they’re there. Ray is still yearning to ask about them, but he focuses on pulling his own sweatshirt off without dislodging his tanktop so the words don’t fall out of his mouth and upset Leonard.

 

Ray stands in the center of the room for a minute, not missing that Leonard’s eyes linger on _his_ arms for a minute. Leonard beckons, and Ray tracks the motion. He walks over to the bed, taking Leonard’s gesture as permission to follow Leonard into bed. Permission to curl around him, to tangle their fingers together and slip off into sleep almost simultaneously.

 

* * *

 

Ray is startled out of sleep by a strangled shout and someone thrashing in his arms. He’s awake immediately, taking stock of the situation. He remembers: he’s in Leonard’s bed, Leonard has been having nightmares. That must be what’s happening now.

 

As quickly as possible, Ray takes charge, straddling Leonard, pinning him to the bed, grabbing hold of his flailing arms. “Leonard! Wake up!”

 

Leonard’s eyes shoot open, wide and wild.

 

“Hey, it’s okay,” Ray says, “I’m here. You’re safe. Gideon, can we get a little bit of light?”

 

Gideon complies, raising the lights slightly, and Ray can make out the panicked expression on Leonard’s face.

 

“Where am I?” Leonard asks, voice hoarse.

 

“You’re on the Waverider,” Ray answers quickly. “You’re safe, you’re with the team, I’m here.”

 

“I’m safe?” he asks, pleading.

 

Ray nods, releasing Leonard’s arms and leaning back slightly on his heels. “You’re safe.”

 

Leonard’s hands rise to clutch onto Ray’s thighs, which are still bracketing his waist. “I’m…me?”

 

“You’re you,” Ray reassures him. “You’re you, you’re safe, and I’m here.”

 

“Raymond,” Leonard says, decisively. “You’re here. I’m…” He removes his hands from Ray’s legs and puts them over his face instead. “Fuck,” he says, voice muffled. “I thought you being here would _stop_ that from happening.”

 

Ray swings his leg over and lies back down beside Leonard, pressed up together. “You’ve been through trauma. That’s not gonna go away overnight.”

 

Leonard groans. “Why not?”

 

It’s a good question, and Ray doesn’t have a good answer. So he gives his mediocre answer. “That’s not how brains work. I don’t know when you’ll be okay, if ever. But I’m here for you, and I’ll help you as much as I can. Gideon can help too, Marty and I programmed a therapy function into her.”

 

“Sara told me about that,” Leonard muses. “I just feel weird using it. And, _Marty_? Really?” he asks, turning on his side so he and Ray are face to face.

 

Ray chuckles. “He hates it when I call him that.”

 

“And you do it anyway?” Leonard asks, sounding calmer, and slightly amused. “Good boy, Raymond. I taught you well.”

 

That causes Ray to let out a warm laugh which, in turn, shocks an actual _smile_ from Leonard. The corners of his lips curl up, crinkling little ridges into his cheeks, lighting up his eyes.

 

Ray is _enamored_.

 

“You have a gorgeous smile.” Ray’s careless words chase the expression off Leonard’s face, to be replaced by a wide-eyed stare. “Sorry,” he says, “I didn’t mean…”

 

Leonard reaches out and rests his hand on Ray’s shoulder. “It’s okay,” he replies. “I don’t mind.” He quirks his lips up briefly, an echo of his previous smile. “I should try to go back to sleep, though.”

 

Ray nods, expecting Leonard to flip over, to press his back against Ray’s chest. Instead, Leonard shifts in closer, resting his head against Ray’s chest. His hand moves to clutch at the front of Ray’s tanktop, one leg slipping in between Ray’s legs, the other resting on top.

 

“Uh,” Ray says. He’s a bit confused, but he automatically moves so the position is more comfortable for the both of them: he slips one arm under the pillows and the other around Leonard’s back.

 

“Is this okay?” Leonard asks, muffled against his chest.

 

Ray smiles softly, his chin resting on the top of Leonard’s head. “Yeah, it’s nice.”

 

“Good,” Leonard says, settling in.

 

They fall silent at that, and Ray can feel the moment Leonard slips off into sleep.

 

Ray, on the other hand, is wide awake. This is absolutely not helpful to his growing crush. It’s one thing to spoon Leonard; it’s another thing entirely for the fronts of their bodies to be pressed together like this.

 

Once again, Ray is absolutely too bi for this. Leonard feels so good in his arms, and Ray is losing his mind a little bit. He needs to pull back mentally, if he’s going to have any chance of falling asleep. So he tries not to think of Leonard’s legs tangled with his own, of their hips flush against each other, of Leonard’s hair, simultaneously rough yet soft against his neck.

 

Ray starts planning out the next revisions to his ATOM suit in his head and finally, with that, is able to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, again, to Ruth for betaing! You're the best!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keeping secrets is hard, especially when one of the people who needs to keep that secret is an over-excited puppy.

“We all have someone we think shines so much more than we do that we are not even a moon to their sun, but a dead little rock floating in space next to their gold and their blaze.”  
- _In the Night Garden_ , Catherynne M. Valente

 

* * *

 

Leonard doesn’t immediately, upon waking, regret the decision he made in the middle of the night. His face is pressed into Raymond’s broad chest, their legs intertwined, and Raymond’s arm is wrapped around his back. It’s maybe the coziest Leonard can ever remember being.

 

So he doesn’t panic, not until Raymond stirs, and then all his fears and worries come crashing down. They hit with pinpoint accuracy as they cascade:

 

_He’s going to regret this._

_You’re going to hurt him._

_You will never be good enough to deserve his affection._

_He’ll carry your weight and you won’t have anything to give him in return._

_You’re broken, bruised, and battered, and he can do better._

 

So Raymond stirs and stretches, and Leonard panics and reacts without thinking, pushing the other man away.

 

“Oh!” Raymond exclaims, reaching out to Leonard to stop himself from falling off the edge of the bed.

 

“Shit!” Leonard grabs at Raymond’s flailing arms and catches hold, dragging him back on to the bed.

 

Raymond stares at him, wide-eyed, for a minute. “Well,” he finally says, “that’s sure a way to wake me up.”

 

Leonard groans, sitting up and leaning back against the wall. “I didn’t mean to.”

 

“I know,” Raymond says, smiling at him in a way that is far too sunny, both for the early hour and for the almost painful situation. Far too sunny, and far too _adoring_.

 

It makes Leonard’s heart lurch painfully, but it also reminds him that Raymond smiles at him like this in front of the team. That’s not helpful when they’re trying to keep things secret.

 

“We should talk,” Leonard says, and Raymond cocks his head in confusion. “About… _this_. About how to act around the team so they don’t suspect. Yesterday at breakfast wasn’t exactly subtle, Raymond.”

 

Raymond shrugs. “Okay. What do you need me to do?”

 

“Not now,” Leonard says. “Right now you need to get out, so nobody sees you leaving my room.”

 

“Oh, uh, okay. You could come by the lab after breakfast,” Raymond suggests. “It’s usually just me. Marty gets annoyed if he’s in there too long with me, he says he, uh,” Raymond slips into a moderately decent imitation of Stein: “‘finds my chatter incessant, unnecessary, and irritating,’ so he doesn’t really go in the lab when I’m there.”

 

Leonard has to stop his eye from twitching. It’s not that he hasn’t called Raymond any of those things, it’s just that he doesn’t like it when other people say those things about Raymond. He especially doesn’t like it when the professor, the most irritating person on the entire ship, calls Raymond variations on ‘annoying.’ At least _Raymond_ has redeeming qualities.

 

He realizes he’s fallen silent for slightly too long, and quickly finds the words he’s looking for. “Sure, Raymond. Lab, after breakfast. I’ll bring my cold gun by, so if someone comes in, it looks like I’m working on it.”

 

“Great!” Raymond gets up, and starts to head out, but Leonard suddenly remembers what actually happened in the middle of the night last night, and stops him.

 

“Raymond, wait,” he says, and Raymond turns to look at him. He perches at the edge of the bed, picking a spot on the floor to stare at while he forces the words out. “Thank you. For, uh, last night. Talking me down, I mean.”

 

He sees Raymond stride back, but he’s still taken by surprise when Raymond pulls him up and into a tight hug. Leonard’s arms float up automatically, clutching firm on Raymond’s back, holding him just as close. Yeah, this is gonna be a problem.

 

“That’s what I’m here for, Leonard,” Raymond says, quiet against Leonard’s ear. Leonard tries not to shiver. “Whatever you need.”

 

Leonard clears his throat and pushes Raymond back, reluctantly. “Don’t call me Leonard in front of the team,” he says. Not his best response, but he’d been meaning to say it. “And don’t touch me in front of them, either.”

 

“Okay, Le—Snart. No touching if we’re not alone.”

 

“Good,” Leonard says, nodding.

 

Raymond reaches a hand out, squeezing Leonard’s shoulder briefly. “I’ll see you at breakfast,” he says. Then he turns and heads out, peeking into the hallway first to see if anyone is there before rushing off back to his own room.

 

Leonard feels the echo of Raymond’s hand on his shoulder and he groans.

 

This is too much, too soon. He’s not ready for something this…close.

 

Waking up spooning someone is one thing. There’s a bit of separation there; after all, you’re not looking at the person you’re sleeping with. Waking up pressed face-to-face against someone is different.

 

_Intimate_.

 

Leonard’s not ready for intimacy. At least nothing like this.

 

If things were different, he might be at a place in his life where he could fuck Raymond, and have some probably really good sex. But he’s too far gone; he’s always been too far gone for the over-sized puppy. Raymond quotes Top Gun and loves Star Wars and throws himself headfirst into danger and his smile can melt _anything_ , even if that something is Leonard Snart’s walled off heart.

 

And it’s a big secret, but Leonard Snart is a _nerd_. He loves curling up with a book, especially if that book involves space or dragons or magic and, sometimes, he can’t believe _this_ is his life. It’s part of why he latched on so hard to The Flash; all his dreams of a different world, a world where anything was possible, were coming true. Now he lives on a timeship with superheroes. Now he’s sharing a bed with a _superhero_.

 

There’s no doubt in his mind that Raymond is the best of the best, a true hero. Raymond is selfless to a fault, and he cares so much about everyone he comes in contact with. Leonard doesn’t know how he can ever measure up to Raymond’s greatness. He doesn’t know what he could possibly ever do that would make him worthy of someone like Ray Palmer.

 

But, well, lying here wallowing in self-pity definitely isn’t going to get him anywhere.

 

He peels himself out of bed, into the shower, into clean clothes, and out to breakfast.

 

When he gets to the mess hall, the seating arrangements are pretty standard, except…

 

Except that Mick is taking up the final two seats at Sara and Jax’s table, his feet propped up on the one that should have been empty, so Leonard can either sit alone at a table, or sit at the table where Raymond and Nate are. He’d consider asking Mick to move his feet, but knows that Mick would never budge.

 

Mick catches his eye and smirks. Leonard rolls his eyes in response. Of course, Mick is plotting against him, playing matchmaker. Leonard _gets it_ —men like them don’t get a lot of chances at happiness. That doesn’t mean he’s not annoyed at Mick for pushing him into something he doesn’t feel ready for.

 

Hell, Leonard is crashing into his mid-forties, and he’s never had a relationship that lasted longer than six months. He’s never had a relationship that didn’t end badly, never dated anyone who wasn’t a criminal. At least he was able to get powerful enough that he could openly date men without getting the shit kicked out of him. Eventually. Criminals aren’t known for being open-minded.

 

It’s too bad nobody tried to come after him for being queer after he became Captain Cold. He would have loved to freeze some homophobic assholes. Oh well; shooting a few of them had been cathartic enough.

 

At least Leonard is stubborn enough to grit his teeth, grab his breakfast and iced coffee, and walk over to the table that Raymond and Nate have claimed.

 

Nate is chattering away about who knows what. Raymond nods at various points, clearly only half listening while his fingers fly across the screen of the tablet he has in front of him. A piece of toast is sticking out of Raymond’s mouth, and his plate is pushed away from him and clearly neglected.

 

“Can you please chew your food?” Leonard asks, setting his eggs down and startling Raymond.

 

“Oh! Hey, Snart!” Raymond says, around the piece of toast. Leonard reaches out and snatches it out of his mouth, tossing it down on his plate.

 

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Leonard scolds.

 

Raymond doesn’t even have the courtesy to look sheepish. “I got distracted. I’m working on updating the cooling system in the ATOM suit, and I just got a great idea, so I had to write it down!”

 

“He’s been working on that since he sat down,” Nate says, sounding slightly annoyed. “I’m trying to tell him about—”

 

“I don’t care,” Leonard cuts him off. Nate glares, but Leonard ignores him, eyeing the full plate of food in front of Raymond. He’s seen this happen a hundred times: the boy scout gets engrossed in his work and forgets to eat.

 

If Leonard has to sit here, at least he can try to bully Raymond into eating a full meal. “Hey,” Leonard says, poking Raymond in the ribs, “don’t forget about your food.”

 

Raymond flinches slightly, and shoots his hand out to grab at the offending poking finger. Leonard pulls back just quickly enough that Raymond’s hand closes on air.

 

“I _will_ eat,” Raymond says, “when I finish these calculations.”

 

That is not the answer Leonard was looking for. “Your breakfast is gonna get cold.”

 

“Hmm,” Raymond says, ignoring him and typing up a storm on his tablet. Leonard can see numbers and complex formulas flash across the screen, and he wonders how Raymond can keep up with all of it.

 

His eyes float up to Raymond’s face, screwed up in concentration. It’s really unfair, Leonard thinks, that one person can be this _pretty_. He could sit here and stare all day, but they’re not alone, so Leonard refocuses on his breakfast. This wouldn’t feel so weird if only Mick hadn’t felt like being an asshole this morning and had just sat with Leonard.

 

“So, Snart,” Nate says, trying to start a conversation. “What, uh, what’s up?”

 

Leonard raises an eyebrow at him. “I’m eating breakfast,” he says, deadpan.

 

Nate heaves a long-suffering sigh. “I know that, dude, obviously. I’m just trying to talk to you.”

 

“Don’t call me ‘ _dude,_ ’” Leonard says, layering his words with ice.

 

Raymond clicks the tablet off suddenly, putting it down on an empty spot on the table. “Sorry!” he says, grinning brightly at the both of them, and probably cutting off a fight waiting to happen. “I really wanted to get that down before I lost it. It was percolating in my mind all night, and I had a sudden revelation.”

 

Leonard blinks at him. “Okay,” he says. “Are you gonna eat your breakfast now?”

 

“Oh, yeah, I should probably do that,” Raymond says, pulling his plate back in front of him and collecting a healthy amount of scrambled eggs with his fork. He puts them in his mouth and makes a disgusted face. “This is not good cold.”

 

Leonard almost laughs. _Almost_. He might have, if they’d been alone. Instead, he just says, “I told you to eat before your food got cold. You _chose_ not to listen to me.”

 

“I was distracted!” Raymond protests. His eyes alight on Leonard’s plate of eggs. Nate has long since finished eating, so his plate is empty, but Leonard still has over half his breakfast left. 

 

“No,” Leonard says, trying to pull his plate back. But Raymond is too fast, darting forward and snagging a forkful of eggs from Leonard’s plate. “No!” Leonard says again, as Raymond sticks the eggs in his mouth.

 

“Much better,” he says, through the eggs.

 

Leonard glares at him. “Get your own breakfast, Raymond. It’s not like we don’t have an unlimited supply of food that Gideon can replicate.”

 

Raymond pouts, and Leonard thinks he’s putting on a bit of a show.

 

“But if I steal them from you, I don’t have to get up!” he protests.

 

The next time he tries to go for Leonard’s eggs, Leonard is ready and slaps his hand away.

 

“Ow!”

 

“That’s what you get for stealing my breakfast.”

 

Sara pipes up from her table, “Can you two please stop flirting? It’s too early. I haven’t had enough coffee for this.”

 

“We’re not flirting,” Leonard and Raymond say at the same time.

 

“Sure you’re not,” Sara says, smirking at them.

 

“Get fucked, Sara,” Leonard says, and Raymond whacks his arm. “Ow!”

 

“Be nice to the captain!” Raymond scolds.

 

Leonard just glares at him. “Get your own eggs.”

 

Raymond sighs. “Fine. Do you guys want anything? More coffee?”

 

Really? They have a fight—okay a fake fight—and Raymond immediately offers to get him more coffee? He has no idea what to do with this, so he just nods, and basks in the glow of Raymond’s answering smile.

 

“Uh, I’m good, man,” Nate says, looking slightly horrified. Raymond smiles at him, too, and walks off into the kitchen.

 

Leonard purposefully doesn’t watch Raymond leave; he doesn’t want to give Sara and Mick any more ammunition. The two of them are clearly teaming up against him, which is the _last thing_ Leonard wants.

 

He finishes out the rest of his breakfast in silence, drinking his second coffee and listening to Raymond and Nate banter across the table. It would be soothing, if only he didn’t find the historian so _irritating_. At least Raymond balances things out nicely. Well, almost.

 

After enough time, Nate’s chatter gets to be too much, and Leonard excuses himself and heads back to his room for a bit. He doesn’t know when exactly he’ll meet Raymond in the lab, but he can at least read for half an hour and kill that time before using his cold gun as an excuse to talk to Raymond without anyone being suspicious.

 

It ends up being almost an hour before Leonard actually ends up heading to the lab; he got wrapped up in his book and lost track of time. Grabbing his cold gun, he wanders down the hallways in the direction of the lab. As he approaches the room, he hears voices coming out of it and almost turns around, to come back later. But he makes out a few words, and his curiosity gets the better of him.

 

“—I’m just saying,” he hears Nate say, “he’s kind of a bully.”

 

“He is not!” Leonard hears Raymond reply, emphatically. “He was just making sure I ate breakfast. He was looking out for me. It was really sweet of him, actually.”

 

“He didn’t have to go about it that way, though,” Nate says, sounding frustrated, like they’ve had this argument before, or they’ve been arguing for a good while about this. About _Leonard_ , it sounds like.

 

“It’s just how he is,” Raymond says. “He seems all cranky, but he really cares about m—about the team. He looks after us, in his own way. I told you about the time pirates thing, right?”

 

“Yeah, wow, glad he didn’t turn against you and side with the time pirates—do you hear yourself?” Nate’s voice goes up half an octave on the last bit. “That’s, like, the bare minimum. ‘ _My teammate didn’t betray us_ ,’ are you serious, Ray?”

 

“Look, Nate, I get it, but you just need to get to know him. And I already told you, I don’t want to have this argument right now.” Leonard can hear a hint of frustration and a bit of desperation leaking out of Raymond’s voice. Possibly because he knows Leonard is most likely on his way to meet up in the lab.

 

Leonard moves closer, lurking just outside the doorway.

 

“I know, man,” Nate says. “I just don’t want you to get hurt. I don’t like the way he treats you.”

 

Leonard can hear the weight of Raymond’s sigh. “You see what you want to see. Snart treats me just fine. He just…” Raymond pauses, and Leonard wonders where he’s going with this. “He just tenses up, when there’s a crowd. He tries to push people away—I think because he doesn’t know what to do with friends. He’s been lonely his whole life. Will you just, please, give him a break? Let him open up to you, slowly.”

 

No way in hell is Leonard ever going to open up to that _frat boy_ , but it’s a nice sentiment nonetheless.

 

“Whatever, man,” Nate replies, which only strengthens Leonard’s resolve to stay at arm’s length.

 

Silence falls, and Leonard takes that as his cue, striding into the lab. He pauses dramatically as he catches sight of the two men, and holds up his cold gun.

 

“This hasn’t been working right since _someone_ ,” he looks pointedly at Raymond, “took it apart to defuse a bomb. I was hoping that _same_ _someone_ could help me figure out what’s wrong with it.”

 

Raymond winces. “I told you I was sorry,” he says, looking sheepish.

 

His reaction apparently sets Nate off, because the frat boy starts glaring daggers at Leonard.

 

Good thing Leonard has seen much scarier glares in his life. He’s pretty sure even Raymond has a scarier glare—strike that, Raymond sucks at glaring.

 

“At least something good came out of it,” Leonard says, meeting Raymond’s eyes, against his better judgment.

 

Raymond smiles, glowing and sweet. Leonard wants to melt into it, bask in it, smile back.

 

But Nate ruins the moment. “What good thing came out of it?” he asks.

 

Leonard looks at him out of the corner of his eye first, before turning his head fully to look at Nate. “Raymond and Mick survived, of course,” he responds, as if it should be the most obvious thing in the world.

 

“Oh,” Nate says, clearly not expecting that answer. “Okay, sure. Uh, I’m gonna head to the library, let you two work on Snart’s gun or whatever.” He walks out at a brisk pace, and Leonard turns to glare at his retreating back.

 

Leonard is aware of Raymond watching him, but he doesn’t turn around.

 

“He’ll come around,” Raymond says, but Leonard doesn’t care about that. He just hopes that Raymond doesn’t listen to Nate, hopes that Raymond makes his own decisions. He trusts Raymond to make his own decisions, of course he does. He just hopes, maybe beyond reason, that whatever decision Raymond makes in the end keeps Leonard in his life.

 

“I’d understand,” Leonard says quietly, “if you didn’t want to continue this with me. If you choose Nate over me.” He hears Raymond walk over, feels Raymond’s hand rest between his shoulder-blades.

 

“I take it you heard our conversation about you,” Raymond says, and Leonard nods. “I want to continue this with you,” Raymond continues. “I’m not gonna choose Nate over you. Nate’s wrong about you, but he _will_ come around eventually. I know he will.”

 

Leonard shrugs, turning around to face Raymond. “Whatever,” he says, and holds out the cold gun. “Shall we?” he asks.

 

They do, in fact, end up working on the cold gun. Leonard hadn’t been lying—it really hadn't been working right since Raymond…took up the mantle. Commander Cold, he’d joked. Both Mick and Raymond had told Leonard about it; about Raymond trying to act _cool_ and embody Leonard.

 

Leonard wishes he’d been around to see it; but he guesses that the whole point was that he was _dead_ , and someone had to pick up the pieces. Raymond and Mick had tried to cope in the best ways they knew how. It’s weird, knowing you’ve been mourned. Knowing someone had a hole in their heart, in the shape of you.

 

It’s weird coming back, after that. Mick pokes him sometimes, “makin’ sure you’re real,” he says.

 

Raymond just stares a little too long, softens his words even more than he usually does, checks in about Leonard’s mental state slightly too often. Leonard thinks, if he allowed it, Raymond would grab hold of him and never let go.

 

“So, we’re alone,” Raymond says. “Can I, uh, touch you?”

 

See, Leonard was right. He’s not even sure he minds it. Constant touch isn’t something he’s used to; Lisa would curl up next to him on movie nights, but that’s really it. With Raymond, though, Leonard’s starting to crave touch. Ache for it.

 

“As long as it’s subtle enough that, if someone walks in, they won’t notice it,” Leonard replies.

 

Raymond nods, and scoots his chair closer, pressing his hip and thigh flush up against Leonard. “That okay?” he asks, and Leonard nods. “Okay, what do you need from me?”

 

Leonard considers it for a moment. He’d thought he had an answer prepared, but he’s not sure if it’s the closeness of the other man, or if he just hadn’t actually thought it through. “I want you to treat me like you used to,” he says, finally. “Get annoyed at me when I’m mean to you. Snark back. Make that dumb face you make when I call you names.”

 

“What dumb face?” Raymond asks.

 

“You know, the—” Leonard tilts his head, screwing up his mouth. “That face.”

 

Raymond laughs as he unscrews a piece of the cold gun. “Okay, that face. Got it. I can do all that, I just…why? Why do you care if the team knows we’re getting closer? Why do you care if the team knows we’re, uh, whatever we are?”

 

_Whatever we are_ , Leonard thinks. He doesn’t have an answer for that part, but he has an answer for the rest. “I want to figure things out with you, without them pushing, or teasing, or nosing their way into our business. I’m, uh,” he pauses, trying to find the right words.

 

His hands brush against Raymond’s as they work together on the cold gun, and it gives him strength, focuses his thoughts, pushes the words out of his mouth. “I’m not sure who I am anymore,” Leonard says. “I want to get a grasp on that, before I start anything with you. Anything past this, I mean. Whatever this is.”

 

Raymond smiles. “We don’t have to label it, if you don’t want to. I’m okay with things staying as they are,” he says, “for as long as you need. As long as you want. If you want to keep things platonic forever, I’m okay with that. I mean, I’d like it if you wanted to, you know, _move forward_.” He blushes. “But, if you want to keep things the way they are, I will be very happy. I like…this thing we have.”

 

Leonard’s heart feels a little lighter at Raymond’s words. “Yeah?”

 

“Yeah, Leonard.”

 

“I think Mick and Sara know the basics,” Leonard admits, “but I don’t want then knowing any more than they already do. I don’t want their input on this. It’s between you and me.”

 

Raymond rests his head briefly on Leonard’s shoulder, pulling back quickly enough that Leonard doesn’t have time to worry about someone catching them. “Okay,” he says. “I can work with that.”

 

Leonard looks up at him and smiles, slow and easy. He lets it soften his features, pulls the harsh intensity from his eyes. He sees Raymond swallow, wide eyes moving to dance over the curve of his mouth. Then he pulls the smile back, and lets Raymond guide his hands across the cold gun, poking at wires and fiddling with cogs.

 

It’s soothing, and Leonard sinks into the steady work, Raymond still warm and flush against his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks, again, to Ruth for beta-ing! <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thing stay the same. Everything changes. 
> 
> Or, the one where Ray and Leonard are inseparable and the team pretends not to notice.
> 
> And, despite his _theme_ , Leonard Snart has n o c h i l l, at least not when it comes to Ray.

 

“Hearts are idiots. They’re big and squishy and full of daft dreams. They flounce off to write poetry and moon at folk who aren’t worth the mooning. Bones are the ones that have to make the journey, fight the monster, kneel before whomever is big on kneeling these days. Bones do the work for the heart’s grand plans. Bones know what you need. Hearts only know want.”  
- _The Girl Who Fell Beneath Fairyland and Led the Revels There_ , Catherynne M. Valente

 

* * *

 

Weeks pass and nothing changes. Ray still shares Leonard’s bed, still sneaks out in the early hours of the morning before the team can catch him, still tries to look offended when Leonard calls him names.

 

“Idiot,” Leonard calls him, and Ray has to remember to pull a face, and not grin at the other man like a puppy.

 

“—if Boy Scout here hadn’t gotten in the way—” Leonard says, and Ray has to remember to glare and not beam at the nickname.

 

“Pretty boy,” “lover boy,” “ _Raymond_ ,” and Ray has to stop himself from bounding forward, nuzzling up against Leonard, because the nicknames aren’t supposed to be affectionate. Or, at least, the team isn’t supposed to know how affectionate the nicknames are.

 

The team isn’t supposed to know how those nicknames sound muttered under Leonard’s breath, or said with such fondness that Ray’s heart skips a beat, or juxtaposed with a smile playing across Leonard’s lips: “mmm, pretty boy, you’re warm,” “shove over, boy scout, make room for me in bed,” “stop asking me if I’m sure I want you here, idiot,” and, always, always, “Raymond.”

 

Leonard says Ray’s name differently when they’re alone. There’s still the drawl; Leonard still lingers on the syllables like he’s teasing out how the name tastes in his mouth. It’s softer, though, like the rest of Leonard’s demeanor when it’s just the two of them. In front of the team, Leonard drawls “Raymond” like he’s putting on a show, all big vowels and clipped consonants. But, alone, Leonard says his name like a secret, like a prayer.

 

There are two Leonards now. There’s what Ray calls “Team-Leonard”: cold, aloof. That’s the Leonard Ray sees in front of anyone and everyone else. Then, there’s what Ray has been secretly referring to as “ _His_ -Leonard.” Ray’s Leonard. That Leonard is lukewarm and softer around the edges.

 

It would be easy, to say that Ray prefers one over the other. But, truly, he likes Team-Leonard nearly exactly as much as he likes His-Leonard. The side of himself that Leonard shows to the team is, yes, farther away from Ray, both physically and emotionally. But Ray knows him well enough by now to notice those searching eyes watching everything, keeping track of every single teammate. Looking out for them.

 

Ray knows that Team-Leonard will always be a half-step behind them all, bringing up the rear, watching their backs.

 

Protecting them. Protecting the team. Protecting _Ray_.

 

And even though Team-Leonard isn’t glued to Ray’s side like His-Leonard is when they’re alone, the team soon learns that if they can’t find Leonard, all they have to do is find whatever room Ray has taken up residence in, and that’s where Leonard will be. Oh, he won’t be perched anywhere near Ray, but he’ll be there: in a chair on the opposite side of the library, or curled up against the wall of the bridge while Ray leans against the center console, or cleaning his cold gun on the other end of the table in the lab.

 

Nobody comments, at least not to Ray. It just becomes a _thing_ : the criminal and the boy scout, two sides of a coin, sharing the same air.

 

Even when the team splits off into various groups, the two of them remain together. Sara, Amaya, Rip, and Jax lounge in the office on the bridge, drinking and laughing. Stein goes to sleep. Nate, Mick, Leonard and Ray play cards in Mick’s room, or Nate’s.

 

Nobody goes into Leonard’s or Ray’s room. It would give up the game: Ray’s stuff is scattered around Leonard’s room, now. A screwdriver set here, a toolkit there, a variety of tablets, socks, tanktops, sweatpants, and v-neck sweaters have taken up residence on the formerly-pristine surfaces.

 

And if anyone ventured into Ray’s room, they’d know immediately that nobody has slept in there in weeks. There’s a new emptiness to the room, only slightly negated by the fact that Ray still showers and dresses there. There are no bits of metal tossed across the desk anymore, no scattered sketches of random ideas that may or may not ever come to fruition taped onto the walls. They’ve all moved to Leonard’s room.

 

One night, they’re in Mick’s room—Mick, Nate, Ray and Leonard—and the cards have long since been forgotten in favor of telling Leonard stories about the missions he missed while he was _gone_ —they don’t say _dead_ , never _dead_ , just _gone_ , like he was on vacation, because Mick and Ray can’t bring themselves to say the word—and, of course, Ray is talking about Camelot, because that was his _favorite_. He glosses over Sir Galahad, because he doesn’t want Leonard to know about his little crush, about how it was another person he could have maybe loved who had to go and _leave_ before they even had a whisper of a chance.

 

Not _die_ , never _die_ , just _leave_.

 

Leonard still catches on, still notices the bittersweet tilt of Ray’s lips when he talks about the man who should have remained a myth (still holds Ray close that night, still whispers against his hair, “I won’t leave you again, Raymond,” still interlocks his fingers with Ray’s and doesn’t let go until he kicks Ray out in the morning).

 

So Ray waxes on about how he was Sir Raymond of the Palms for a day, and Leonard almost laughs.

 

“Sir Raymond of the Palms, huh? I am never calling you anything else again, you complete and utter _nerd_ ,” Leonard drawls, the whisper of a smile floating across his lips.

 

“Don’t encourage him,” Nate groans, and that ghost of a smile falls off of Leonard’s face, to be immediately replaced by one of the frostiest looks Ray has ever seen. And considering that it’s Captain Cold, that’s saying something.

 

“Don’t encourage him?” Leonard hisses, and Ray half expects the temperature to drop by ten degrees just from the cold pouring off the man. “What do you mean, ‘don’t encourage him?’ You’re supposed to be his _friend_.”

 

Nate scoots backwards in his chair, looking slightly panicked. “It’s a stupid thing anyway,” Nate says, and Ray wants to curl up into a ball and die, “no need to freak out about it. It’s not a big deal, Snart.”

 

“Not a big deal?” Leonard spits, half up from his chair before Mick throws an arm out to keep him down. Leonard shoots a glare at Mick and continues, “Not a big deal? It’s a big deal to _Raymond_ , and if you actually respected him you would have just sucked it up and called him that the _one fucking time_ he asked you to.”

 

“What the hell, man?” Nate asks, voice slightly shriller than usual. “Why are you so upset about this?”

 

Leonard pushes his chair back, standing up. He avoids Mick’s grab, and Ray’s arm shooting out, and darts forward to loom over Nate. “Why don’t you respect Raymond enough to listen to or care about the things that excite him?” he snarls into Nate’s horrified face.

 

Ray knows he promised not to touch Leonard in public, in front of anyone, but this is a special case. He jumps up and grabs Leonard’s arm, trying to tug the other man away from Nate.

 

“Snart, it’s okay,” he says, but Leonard ignores him. “ _Leonard_ ,” Ray says, and Leonard finally looks at him. “It’s _okay_.”

 

“It’s _not_ ,” Leonard says, trying to dislodge Ray’s hand from his arm. Ray tightens his grip and tugs, throwing Leonard off-balance and knocking him out of his predatory stance. For a second, Leonard’s whole body tenses, and Ray thinks he’s about to get thrown up against the wall, but the moment passes.

 

Ray is left slightly breathless, but Leonard still looks furious, so Ray pulls him out the door. “Come on,” he says, “you need to calm down.” Ray doesn’t look behind him as they leave, doesn’t want to see the expressions that either of the other two men are wearing.

 

Leonard’s room is right next to Mick’s, so Ray leads them to his room instead, halfway down the hallway and out of sight and earshot from Mick’s open door. Ray probably isn’t sneaky enough; it’s not like there’s anywhere else private on the ship, so Nate and Mick will assume that Ray brought Leonard back to his room. It might give up the game, but Leonard is furious, and Ray doesn’t want him to punch Nate in the face over something like this.

 

“It really doesn’t matter,” Ray says, when the door closes behind them. “It’s just a stupid name.”

 

“How can you say that?” Leonard asks, rounding on Ray. “I saw the excitement on your face, when you were talking about it, and it happened _months ago_. That _frat boy_ has no right to put down the things you care about, not if he still wants to call himself your _friend_. He doesn’t respect you, and it makes me _so mad_ —”

 

Ray pulls Leonard into a hug, then, and feels the other man melt slightly against him. He’s never seen Leonard this furious at anyone, especially not one of their teammates, and it churns Ray’s stomach that it’s over _him_. All he wants to do is kiss away Leonard’s anger; instead, he cups the back of Leonard’s head, rubbing his thumb against the rasp of Leonard’s hair.

 

“You don’t have to stand up for me to Nate,” Ray says, finally. “He means well, and he does care about me. The two of you have different ways of showing that, but he _does_ care.”

 

“He doesn’t respect you,” Leonard says, lips pressed against the sensitive skin of Ray’s neck.

 

Ray bites back a moan, turns it into a sigh. “It’s just how Nate is,” he responds, his mouth a hair away from Leonard’s temple.

 

Leonard pushes back, and Ray instantly misses the contact. “How he _is_? He’s a killjoy and a downer and would it kill him to even just _humor you_ , just _once_? It doesn’t matter if he actually cares about what you’re enthusiastic about, it would absolutely not _fucking kill him_ to let you be _excited_ for fucking _once_.”

 

God, Ray wants so badly to step forward, close the distance, kiss the fury away; he wants Leonard to throw him up against a wall instead of seething, kiss him senseless, until the kiss chases away the anger and all that’s left is that passion that Ray sees underneath. The passion that Ray can see in Leonard’s eyes, right now—passion that makes him _ache_ , makes him _yearn_ , makes him so, unbelievably happy and terrified at the same time.

 

“Thank you,” Ray says instead, “for standing up for me. I don’t need you to, but…” He takes a tentative step forward, cups Leonard’s cheek in his hand. “But it means the world,” he finishes.

 

And finally, finally, Ray can see the wind pour out of Leonard’s sails, and Leonard leans into his touch. Ray pulls him close, again, and feels Leonard truly melt against him this time.

 

So, things stay the same, really. Leonard ignores Ray on the bridge, but rests his head in Ray’s lap to read a book at night. Leonard calls Ray names in the field, but watches his back just the same. Leonard rolls his eyes at Ray’s delight, but listens closely and casually brings up whatever it was with Ray, later, when they’re alone.

 

And then, one day, things start to change.

 

They’re prepping for a mission, all nine of them standing around the center console on the bridge. Ray’s idea just got shut down, by Sara, and he’s sulking a bit, preparing a response, when Leonard puts a hand between his shoulder-blades.

 

Leonard touches him, on the bridge, in front of the entire team, with a smirk playing across his lips. Ray chokes on the words he’d been about to say, almost hacking up a lung. Leonard’s eyes glint; he knows exactly what he’s doing and Ray—god help him—Ray loves it. Even as he coughs.

 

“Are you quite all right, Raymond?” Marty asks, and Ray has to stop himself from saying:

 

_I hate the way my name sounds when you say it._

 

He has to stop himself from saying:

 

_I only want my full name to fall from Leonard’s mouth and no one else’s. I want to kiss my name from him, steal it away from his devilish tongue, from his devious lips—_

 

“Raymond?” Marty asks again, and Ray realizes he’s been staring into Leonard’s eyes.

 

He tears his gaze away, catches Marty’s glance. “Yeah, I’m okay,” Ray says. “Thanks.”

 

Everything changes. Ray becomes a human piece of furniture. It’s a slow progression; and it starts with Leonard propping a foot up on his legs at breakfast one morning.

 

Leonard and Nate have fallen into a pattern, by then. They ignore each other, mostly. They have each other’s backs in the field because, at the end of the day, they’re still a team. But they snip at each other when they do speak, especially about Ray. For his part, Ray tries to shut them down every time they start fighting, but it’s nearly constant when the two are near. At least Leonard gives Ray and Nate space sometimes, even if he rarely leaves the room entirely.

 

Regardless of that, Nate still chokes on orange juice when Leonard places his foot on Ray’s knee and continues sipping at his iced coffee like nothing’s happened. Ray looks over and meets Leonard’s eyes, sees the stubborn determination hiding something softer, something vulnerable.

 

Ray flashes his most reassuring smile, and sees Leonard’s shoulders relax a fraction. It’s another step added to the dance they have, stepping around each other in sync, never quite meeting in the middle.

 

From there, it’s a hand resting on Ray’s shoulder, leaning back against the foot of the chair Ray claims on the bridge or in the library, and always using Ray as a footrest at meals. Leonard brings Ray coffee, makes sure Ray remembers to eat, drags Ray to the med-bay after every mission.

 

“Give him a full workup, Gideon,” Leonard orders.

 

“I’m fine, Leonard,” Ray says, quietly.

 

“Dr. Palmer has sustained multiple small injuries, including a hairline fracture of one of his ribs, a shallow cut on the back of his head, and a rather large bruise on his stomach,” Gideon says. Traitor.

 

Leonard threads his fingers through Ray’s while Gideon works, and he doesn’t pull his hand back when Sara walks in.

 

So, everything’s different.

 

Things might have been easier if this whole thing between them really did stay the same. If they weren’t moving forward at a snail’s pace, Ray might have been able to live with things staying as they were. It’s the forward progress that drives Ray up a wall.

 

Things might have been easier if their nights together weren’t getting progressively more charged, electricity flying through the air, ready to spark and light the two of them ablaze. Ray’s lost count of the number of mornings one or both of them wakes up hard against the other, fresh from a dream filled with sure, steady touches and heavy breathing.

 

They don’t talk about it, but the memory of those mornings is always present. Leonard runs his fingertips up Ray’s thigh sometimes, when they’re watching movies together in Leonard’s bed, and he smirks when Ray shudders and slaps his hand away. Leonard loves to tease.

 

Things might have been easier if the attraction wasn’t so obviously always present. If Leonard’s eyes didn’t linger on Ray’s arms, on Ray’s muscles, on Ray’s ass. If Leonard could ever stop tracing the lines of Ray’s face with his eyes, with his fingertips. If Leonard wasn’t always a half-step behind Ray, at Ray’s back, freezing anyone or anything that dares to come near _his_ _Raymond_.

 

Leonard slowly and clearly stakes out his claim of Ray, and Ray has never felt so _wanted_. It’s an exquisite kind of torture—knowing that someone wants you so much they can hardly breathe at times, and also knowing that they aren’t ready to take the next step.

 

And Ray? Ray knows exactly where the line is—Leonard drew his boundaries clearly, and Ray has no interest in pushing at a single one of them.

 

So Ray takes what joy he can in small pleasures: running his palm along the planes of Leonard’s back, massaging Leonard’s scalp with his fingertips, tracing the lines of the scars on Leonard’s arms. And if he feels Leonard’s heart beat speed up, if he hears Leonard’s breath hitch, that just means Leonard isn’t immune to Ray’s charms.

 

That just means they’re both on the same page: teetering on the edge of something grand, something powerful, something _wonderful_.

 

So, things stay the same. Everything is different.

 

And Ray is in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you to Ruth for beta-ing! You are the best!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sleepy morning, an emergency, a mission, and, finally, a kiss. 
> 
> Or two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the trope where Marvel Comics exist in the DC Universe and DC Comics exist in the Marvel Universe so here you go, these nerds grew up reading Marvel Comics.

“In the space of one heartbeat to another I loved you and I was lost to you.”  
- _Deathless_ , Catherynne M. Valente  
  
“You always trade blood for joy. It’s always a deal struck in the wet and the dark.”  
- _Speak Easy_ , Catherynne M. Valente

 

* * *

 

The best and worst part of Leonard’s day is waking up in Raymond’s arms.

 

It’s the best because Raymond is gorgeous when he’s half asleep, muttering morning greetings with a sweet smile. The light of Gideon’s fake sunrise dances across the sharp lines of his face, and Leonard thinks that Raymond could never have been anything but a superhero. With the idealism (and jawline) of Captain America, and the intelligence of Iron Man, Ray Palmer was always destined for greatness.

 

It’s the best because, when they wake, there’s nothing between them but air; and sometimes, not even that. (It all depends on if they need to disentangle their legs, pull their hips apart, give each other a little _room_ to calm down.) There are no walls, nothing they need to hide to keep the team from knowing how close they really, truly are.

 

Leonard can run his fingers through Raymond’s hair, brush his thumb across Raymond’s jaw, can melt into Raymond’s answering touches. They keep things tame, but it’s getting more and more difficult for Leonard to not lean forward, to not close the distance and kiss those magnetic lips. It’s getting more and more difficult to actually move his hips away on those mornings he wakes up hard, and not move against Raymond, to not get them both off with friction and bruising kisses.

 

Leonard is going to give in soon; he can feel it, coursing through his entire body. There are times when he can’t remember why he’s still hesitating, why he hasn’t closed that distance yet.

 

Which brings him to why waking up in Raymond’s arms is the worst part of his day: for all the reasons it’s the best. Because he doesn’t feel ready, because he doesn’t know how to make the move, because he is afraid that he’ll lose himself in Raymond if he takes that next step. If he moves forward, Raymond will expect him to open up, to tell him everything; if he opens up, where does that stop? Where does that end?

 

Leonard has a dark past, and he doesn’t know if he’s ready for Raymond to meet his demons yet. The nightmares are nothing compared to what he’s done, who he’s had to be, the people he’s killed. Hell, he can’t even bring himself to tell Raymond what the scars on his arms are from, or that they extend past his arms, that they wrap around his torso like a cobra, squeezing him tight, keeping his emotions under lock and key.

 

If they take that next step, Leonard will have to let Raymond in, fully and completely, and he doesn’t know if he can do that. He doesn’t know if he’s ready.

 

Raymond blinks at him, bleary-eyed and sappy, not knowing that Leonard is having a goddamn existential crisis over him.

 

“You okay?” he asks.

 

Leonard tries to eek out a smile. It fails, turns into a grimace. He’d love to use the excuse of not having slept well, but Raymond will know in a second he’s lying. Raymond is a light sleeper, and always wakes up when Leonard has a bad night. Wakes up, and cradles Leonard in his arms until the dream passes, until that unshakable terror is shoved bodily away by the light and warmth that is Ray Palmer.

 

So, Leonard shrugs instead. “Just thinking,” he says, hoping Raymond will be too sleepy to pry.

 

He’s wrong.

 

“About what?” Raymond asks, reaching out and taking hold of Leonard’s hand, intertwining their fingers.

 

Leonard opens his mouth, about to say, ‘nothing,’ when the ship’s proximity alarm sounds. “Fuck!” Leonard says, throwing the blankets off the two of them, and hurrying Raymond out of bed.

 

The two of them scramble into jeans, and Leonard is halfway to pulling a sweater over his sleep shirt when Sara shouts through the door, “Open up, you two!”

 

Raymond and Leonard look at each other, resigned. Of course Sara knows, she’s the captain. Leonard reluctantly puts his hand on the panel, and the doors slide open. Sara’s expression is half captain-mode, half evil smirk. In contrast, the smile Raymond shoots her is half-sunny, half-sheepish. Leonard just glares.

 

“As much as I would _love_ to gloat,” she says, and the smirk falls away, “we’ve got a big problem. Leonard, grab your gun, and Ray, suit up.”

 

Raymond nods and walks out, with barely a backwards glance. Leonard continues to glare at Sara as he shuts the door in her face. He takes a few seconds to change into an actual shirt for under his sweater. Then he slips on his holster, clicks his gun into place, throws his jacket on, hangs his goggles around his neck, and heads to the bridge.

 

He beats Raymond there, but not the rest of the team. Nobody but Raymond has to put on a metal suit, so they’re all already ready for battle. The expressions of the team vary, from exhausted (Jax), to cranky (Mick and Stein), to stoic (Amaya and Rip), and finally to livid (Nate). Nate must have seen Raymond rushing out of Leonard’s room. It’s not like there was any reason to be subtle, after Sara basically announced it to the entire ship.

 

 Leonard meets Nate’s furious stare with as much indifference as he can muster.

 

After all, it’s not his fault Raymond chose him over Nate. He’s not even sure Raymond has noticed Nate’s not-so-little crush. Not Leonard’s problem. Nate had plenty of chances to make his intentions known.

 

Raymond rushes onto the bridge, half in the ATOM suit, carrying the chest piece over his arm and dangling the helmet from his hand. Leonard steps forward to meet him, and Raymond drops the helmet into his waiting hands.

 

“Okay,” Sara says, “now that we’re all here, _finally_ ,” she directs that last part at Raymond (putting on the rest of his suit) and Leonard (still just holding the ATOM helmet), “I can brief you. We’ve got a time ship closing in on us. Gideon and I have been able to keep enough distance between us, but we can’t outrun them forever. We’ll continue evasive maneuvers until we’re all ready, but then we are going to turn and fight. Any objections?” She barely pauses for a second before continuing, “No? Great, strap in, it’s about to get bumpy while we slow down and face them.”

 

Raymond raises his hand, and Leonard rolls his eyes. _Teacher’s pet_. “Captain!” Raymond chirps. “Is it Time Pirates?”

 

“I don’t know,” she admits. “Could be. But Rip says their ship is in surprisingly good shape, so we should be prepared for Time Masters, instead.”

 

Leonard feels cold. “They’re dead,” he hears himself say. “They’re dead, I blew them up.”

 

Sara looks at him, almost sad. “Not all of them, Leonard,” she says, softly. “Just most of the ones that were at the Vanishing Point.”

 

“So I died for nothing?” Leonard asks, the words falling out of his mouth before he can stop them.

 

“No,” Raymond says reassuringly, putting a gauntleted hand on his shoulder. “The Time Masters are lost without the Oculus. They can’t control our destinies anymore. We still have free will—because of _you_ , Leonard.”

 

“The Time Masters are still dangerous,” Rip adds in, “but they are nowhere near as powerful as they were, now that the Oculus is lost to them. Dr. Palmer is right, Mr. Snart. You did not die for nothing.”

 

Leonard turns the ATOM helmet over in his hands, only vaguely reassured. He’d been assuming that the Time Masters had been wiped out, that they were no longer a threat. Raymond reaches out, stills Leonard’s fidgeting hands, plucks the helmet out of his grasp.

 

“You okay?” Raymond asks softly, as though the two of them are alone, as though the team isn’t standing there, staring at them.

 

“Yeah,” Leonard lies. He can see that Raymond doesn’t believe him, but also that Raymond isn’t going to call him out on that in front of everyone.

 

“Do you two need a moment, or can we kick some ass?” Sara snarks, deadpan.

 

Leonard forces a smirk. “Let’s kick some ass,” he says. Raymond nods at him, brushes against his shoulder briefly, one more time, then puts on the helmet.

 

Every time Raymond is in the ATOM suit, Leonard is reminded of Raymond’s brilliance, of his heroism. Plus, the added height and strength the ATOM suit gives him put some very fun ideas in Leonard’s head. Like the fact that Raymond in the suit could easily lift Leonard up, so Leonard could wrap his legs around Raymond’s waist, pushed back against a wall…

 

Sadly, he never has enough time to fully appreciate those ideas, because they’re always headed into battle, or exhausted after battle, whenever Raymond is in the suit.

 

This time is no exception. As soon as Sara flips the ship and flies the Waverider toward the other timeship, they’re caught in a tractor beam. Another ship appears out of nowhere, and another, and another.

 

“Fuck!” Sara yells, and the rest of the team echoes her sentiment.

 

“Well,” Amaya says, “we may be outnumbered, but at least some of us have superpowers.”

 

“Practical as always, thank you, Amaya,” Sara says. “Gideon, ship is yours.”

 

“Of course, Captain,” Gideon answers, and Sara slips into fighting mode.

 

She sends Mick, Firestorm, Raymond and Leonard to the door, to be the first line of defense. Her, Rip, Nate, and Amaya are the second line, to catch any stragglers that get through the team members with the longest range.

 

The creaking of metal sounds as they take their places, and Leonard takes a second to spare a look at Raymond. Their eyes meet, and Raymond nods, ever so slightly. He doesn’t say anything, but his eyes say it all. Leonard’s never been looked at with as much adoration as Raymond looks at him, every time. Leonard tears his eyes away, takes a deep breath, and the cargo bay door falls open with a bang.

 

It’s Time Masters, but Leonard has no time to panic, he just holds down the trigger on his cold gun, shooting one dead in the face. From then on, it’s all shooting and yelling and ducking and punching and pistol-whipping (cold-gun-whipping?) and the general chaos of a fight.

 

They’re pushed back, and back, and back again, until it’s eight bodies on the bridge, nine team members, bruised and battered, but alive, fighting off the final wave of Time Masters.

 

And then, out of the corner of his eye, Leonard sees Raymond fall, knees going limp like a rag doll, and he feels his heart hit the floor in sync with Raymond’s body.

 

The noise of the last stand of the battle drops away, and time seems to slow. Leonard moves, weaving in between Legends and Time Masters, his eyes focused on nothing but the person who fired the shot that felled Raymond. He reaches the Time Master, and throws his entire body weight behind his cold gun, cracking the man across the jaw. The Time Master goes down, hard, and Leonard follows him, clicking his gun back into his holster and switching to his fists.

 

All he hears is the pounding of his fists on bone and cartilage: that wet, visceral crunch of a face giving way beneath his hands. He’s distantly aware of someone approaching in his periphery, but he ignores them in favor of winding up for another punch. Before he can hit again, someone grabs his arm and bodily pulls him up and back.

 

“Leonard! Leonard, he’s dead!” shouts the person who’d pulled him up off the ground. Leonard spins, coming face to face with Raymond. He freezes, blinks, and the silence comes rushing in. The fighting has stopped, and everyone is staring at him. The Legends won, but Leonard just feels numb.

 

“Leonard,” Raymond says again, “what the hell was that? He went down, you didn’t have to—”

 

“I thought you were dead, Raymond,” Leonard says, barely above a whisper. “You fell, hard, and you didn’t move. I thought…”

 

Raymond’s eyes are wide, shocked, _scared_. “So you thought _punching a man to death_ would, I don’t know, bring me back?”

 

“Raymond—”

 

“No, you don’t get to do that,” Raymond says, voice gaining volume as he continues. “You don’t get to keep your distance, and then go and _murder someone_ who you think killed me!”

 

The worst part of it is that Raymond is right. Leonard feels exhausted down to his bones, his hands already starting to ache in the aftermath of the beating he’d doled out.

 

He wilts slightly, and Raymond’s expression softens. “Leonard,” he says, quieter, “If you want me, I’m all yours. But this is not okay. You can’t do this anymore; you can’t just beat people to death. Not for me. I don’t want that, I don’t want you to do that for me.”

 

Leonard stares at him, in shock. They’ve never talked about it, never said the words. _If you want me, I’m all yours_. So matter-of-fact. His heart drops into his stomach, and all he can do is look up at Raymond, frozen, silent.

 

Raymond sighs, leans forward to press a light kiss to the top of Leonard’s head, and walks off, back to the team. The team who are all staring at the two of them, mostly in confusion. Sara and Mick just look disappointed, and that’s when Leonard realizes how badly he just fucked up.

 

Oh god, he really made a mess of things, didn’t he? He had lost control—the control he’d spent his whole life building up was just gone, in the blink of an eye. Or, in this case, in the span of time it took for Raymond to hit the floor. Leonard can see it, playing on a loop in his head: Raymond’s body going limp and crumpling, like a piece of paper.

 

Leonard turns and walks out. He doesn’t need to be there for whatever comes next. He heads directly to his room, locking the door behind him as soon as he steps inside. Not like anyone is going to come after him, but still. He needs privacy to think this through.

 

Of course, his entire room is filled with Raymond. It used to be clean, neat, and organized. Now, it’s an explosion of color, mostly reds and blues, and every surface is covered in writing, sketches, formulas. Leonard walks a circle around the room, trailing his fingertips on the papers covering the walls.

 

There’s a blueprint of the cold gun that Leonard pauses at. He’s looked at it a million times, with and without Raymond, but now he looks at it with fresh eyes. The lines are clean, sharp, focused. So are many of Raymond’s other sketches, but many more are careless—thrown together in a fit of inspiration. This, though, is meticulous. Leonard can see Raymond’s hand in each line, each labeled part, each idea for improvement.

 

He remembers watching Raymond draw it, hunched over the small desk while Leonard perched on the edge and made comments. He remembers running a finger down Raymond’s spine, scolding him for poor posture. Remembers Raymond laughing, grabbing at his hand. Remembers Raymond placing Leonard’s hand on his face, leaning into it, looking up with those gorgeous eyes.

 

For someone seemingly terrified of intimacy, Leonard has had so many intimate moments with Raymond recently. For someone scared of opening up, he’s already been more open with Raymond than he’s been with anyone else in his life, besides Lisa and Mick. Besides those he considers family.

 

God, what was he thinking, attacking the Time Master? He forces himself to think about that moment, on the roaring in his ears, on that hyper-focus. He’d…he’d been _devastated_.

 

Leonard isn’t sure he’s ever felt like that before. He’s been upset, lonely, frustrated, worried, scared, furious—but devastated? The only thing that comes close is when he thought he’d lost Lisa, when a heist went bad. But that had been a split second, a fraction of time before her head popped up and she’d grinned at him, her teeth flashing in the light.

 

So if he can’t bear the thought of losing Raymond, where does that leave him? If he lost control like that, what does that mean for the two of them?

 

God, Leonard’s in so deep he can’t see the surface anymore. He’s on the bottom of the ocean, he’s drowning in the sea of Raymond’s affection. Really, truly, what is holding him back at this point? He and Raymond are so wrapped up in each other, Leonard sometimes can’t see where he ends and Raymond begins.

 

So, should he step forward? Should he take that leap of faith, put himself entirely in Raymond’s hands?

 

Leonard looks around at his room, and sees nothing but Raymond, scattered in every corner. Fuck it, he’s already taken that leap, so many times. He threw himself off a cliff and Raymond caught him and swept him up, again and again and again. So, what the hell?

 

_If you want me, I’m all yours_.

 

Back to the bridge, then. He hurries out of his room, stalks through the hallways, and hears the team still conferring. They’re standing around the center console when he re-enters, and his eyes meet Raymond’s. And then he’s striding forward, wrapping his gloved hand around the flexible material covering the back of Raymond’s neck, pulling him down, pulling him in.

 

Their lips meet, and time stops. Raymond melts against him, gripping the back of Leonard’s jacket with his still-gauntleted hands, kissing Leonard back with everything he has. Leonard can feel Raymond’s entire heart behind the kiss, and he moves back before he moans into Raymond’s warm, willing mouth.

 

“Wow,” he hears Sara say, “ _okay_.”

 

Leonard doesn’t look at her, he just stares into Raymond’s eyes. “I want you, Raymond,” he says. “I want you to be mine.”

 

Raymond smiles wide, cupping Leonard’s cheek in his hand. “I’m yours, Leonard. I’ve always been yours.” His smile drops a watt, as he says, “But you have to promise me that you won’t do again what you did today. That you won’t lose yourself, your _heart_ , if something happens to me.”

 

Again, Leonard is shocked into silence, but he nods, slowly.

 

“You set your boundaries early on,” Raymond continues, “now I’m setting mine. Even though yours have changed, clearly, since you just kissed me in front of the team—uh, anyway. I have no illusions about who you are, Leonard, about what you’ve done. But I don’t want you killing for me. You’re a hero now, a Legend. And you’re no longer a cold-blooded killer. I’ve held you through enough nights to know that by now.”

 

“Enough nights?” Nate squeaks, on the other side of the console.

 

Leonard had almost forgotten that the rest of the team was still there, watching their whole conversation. He’d expected to feel embarrassed, but it just fuels his resolve.

 

“Raymond and I have been sharing a bed for a few months now,” Leonard answers, tearing his eyes away from Raymond. “He’s been helping me deal with nightmares, and, well, we’ve been working up to _this_ for a while now.” Nate no longer looks livid, he just looks resigned to his fate of remaining only friends with Raymond.

 

“While this is _fascinating_ ,” Sara cuts in, “we have a lot of work to do. We won, but we need to interrogate prisoners, clean up the bodies, and I need teams to go scout and clear the other ships. I want as much information as possible.”

 

“Can we—” Leonard starts.

 

“No,” Sara cuts him off. “You boys can do your lovey-dovey shit later. I need the whole team on this.”

 

“So, uh, since everyone kinda knows about us, can I put my arm around your shoulders?” Raymond asks, an inch away from Leonard’s ear. Leonard has to stop himself from dragging Raymond off the bridge and back to his room right then and there.

 

“Do whatever you want, Raymond,” he says instead. Raymond positively _beams_ at him, and slings an arm around his shoulders. It’s not the most comfortable Leonard has ever been, mostly because Raymond is still in the ATOM suit, but no way in hell is he gonna complain about it.

 

Sara starts barking out assignments: “Leonard, Mick, you’re on body cleanup. I trust that you two know how to clean blood out of any and all surfaces. You’ll carry the bodies back to one of the timeships and we’ll go from there. Ray, Firestorm, Nate, you’re on ship duty. Go through each ship, find any stragglers and _capture_ them, not kill, please. Amaya, Rip, and I will handle interrogations. Everyone clear?” The team nods, and Sara claps her hands, once. “And, go!”

 

Raymond sighs and removes his arm from around Leonard’s shoulders. “Guess I gotta go explore some timeships,” he says, trying to hide his excitement.

 

“Go,” Leonard says, trying not to laugh at him. Raymond turns to leave, but Leonard pulls him back, brings him in for one more quick kiss. When they break apart, Raymond’s eyes are wide, his pupils dilated.

 

“See, you told me to go, but now I want—”

 

“Uh-uh, no,” Sara says, cutting Raymond off and shoving her way between them. “I am separating the two of you. You can reconvene later and make out, or whatever, as much as you want, but I need the two of you focused on the mission right now. We need to figure out how the Time Masters found us, and what they want. Ray, _go_.”

 

Raymond goes. Sara waits until he leaves before rounding on Leonard.

 

“Fucking finally!” she says, punching him in the arm.

 

“Ow.”

 

“Yeah, took you two long enough,” Mick jumps in, smirking.

 

Leonard rolls his eyes. “Can we just get to cleaning up? I hate the both of you.”

 

“Ooh, big bad Leonard Snart, I’m _terrified_ ,” Sara says, mocking him with everything she’s got.

 

What did he do to deserve such _awful_ friends? He glares at Sara until she walks off to the bridge after Rip and Amaya.

 

“That was quite a kiss,” Mick says, as he lifts a body up and throws it on the cart someone dug out of storage.

 

“Shut up,” Leonard replies, rummaging around for cleaning supplies. They’ve done this enough times, the two of them, that they have a rhythm down. Not the arguing, although there’s been enough of that too, but the cleaning up after dead bodies. Well, there was a reason Rip had recruited them: to do the jobs nobody else would or could do.

 

Leonard focuses on cleaning up the blood, careful not to get bleach on his clothes, and tries to ignore Mick making fun of him.

 

“Ya gonna be Leonard Palmer or Leonard Palmer-Snart?” Mick calls over to him, cackling.

 

“Fuck off, Mick.”

 

“I got it, you’d wanna get rid of the Snart name, stick it to your old man. Definitely Leonard Palmer.”

 

“Mick, I will pour bleach down your throat.”

 

Mick laughs. “Nah, you need me to be best man.”

 

“First of all,” Leonard snaps, annoyed, “Raymond and I have just started…whatever this is. I don’t even know if we’re officially dating, so shut the fuck up about marriage. Second, Lisa would be my maid of honor and you know it.”

 

“You’re no fun,” Mick says.

 

They fall silent, absorbed in the work. Both of them have developed strong stomachs, so this is no issue for either of them. Still, Leonard feels a tugging at his heart as he cleans up the blood splatter of the Time Master he’d beaten to death. Goddamn boy scout, getting under his skin.

 

Leonard’s killed more people than he’s felt the need to keep track of. This man had shot at and knocked out a teammate. Almost killed a teammate. _Raymond—_ he’d almost killed Raymond. Leonard can’t separate that, it’s all wound and bound up inextricably in his loss of control, in his killing of this Time Master.

 

Yeah, the team had killed others. It’s not like that was the only dead body he and Mick were cleaning up. But the others were frozen, burned, shot, necks broken with a single motion, punched in the face with fists of steel, or taken down with Amaya’s animal power of the hour. They were all quick, clean kills.

 

There was nothing quick or clean about what Leonard did to the Time Master.

 

“Stop that,” Mick says, looking over.

 

“Stop what?” Leonard asks, scrubbing at a stubborn spot.

 

“Sulking. Haircut’s already over it, you ain’t doin’ yourself any favors by dwellin’ on it.”

 

Leonard groans. “Mick—”

 

“What?” Mick asks, annoyed. “Just cuz I got no interest in relationships, that means I can’t tell you when you’re being an idiot about yours?”

 

“That’s not what I—”

 

Mick cuts him off again: “Get out of your own damn head and let Haircut love you, you moron.”

 

As much as Leonard hates to admit it, Mick does have a point.

 

“Fine,” he says. “I will _attempt_ to stop over-thinking this.”

 

“’s all I ask,” Mick replies.

 

Leonard finally gets the stain off the floor, and moves onto the next one, and the next, and the next, until all the blood is gone from the floors of the Waverider, and all the bodies have been moved off the ship.

 

Raymond still isn’t back from the fourth and final timeship, so Leonard heads to his room to shower off the pungent smells of bleach and blood. And, if Raymond meets him there, well. He can only hope Raymond has good timing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Ruth for being a lovely beta <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray _really_ just wants to get back to Leonard, but the mission's gotta come first...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note that the rating has changed.
> 
> Also, this chapter has a content warning for explicit mention of past physical abuse.

“This is my heart—carry it with you. I will dream of you in the dark, and you will taste it in my tea, and feel it in my shoes.”  
- _In the Cities of Coin and Spice_ , Catherynne M. Valente

 

* * *

 

Ray rushes to catch up with Nate and Firestorm, like the Captain told him to. Sara is definitely the scariest person on the team, and now that she’s Captain, he especially doesn’t want to get on her bad side. Even though he’d love nothing more than to disobey her orders and sneak back to Leonard’s room and finally, finally, kiss Leonard breathless.

 

Sara’s right: the mission comes first. Even if it means Ray has to wait to have full permission to run his hands along every inch of Leonard’s body, even if it means Ray has to live for a few hours with only the lingering taste of Leonard on his tongue, even if it means he can’t just run back and kiss Leonard more, to keep that feeling fresh in his mind.

 

“So,” Nate says, as greeting when Ray finally catches up, “that was weird.”

 

“How so?” Ray asks, confused. The team had to have noticed Ray and Leonard getting closer recently, and it’s not like either of them hide their sexualities.

 

Hell, Ray had talked to Nate about how upset he’d been about Sir Galahad’s death, how meeting one of his idols in the flesh was even more amazing than he’d ever dreamed, how he’d wished he’d gotten a chance to at least get to know the man. Ray even thinks he had used the word ‘crush’ in describing his feelings for Sir Galahad.

 

“You and Snart, dude,” Nate responds. “I don’t know, you two make a strange pair. I don’t get it.”

 

Ray shakes his head. “I know you two don’t really like each other, for some reason that I don’t fully understand, but he and I have a lot in common.”

 

“Yeah, Steel,” Jax cuts in, “just because you and Snart were fighting over Ray doesn’t mean they make a weird pair!”

 

“Wait.” Ray stops. “Fighting over me? You mean, my time and attention, right?”

 

Firestorm makes a face. “Yes, Gray, I shouldn’t have said anything, thanks for your opinion,” Jax says to Marty. Ray wishes he could hear what Marty is saying, but Jax doesn’t pass along the message.

 

“Can we just focus on checking out the ships?” Nate asks, his expression unreadable under the alloy.

 

“No, Nate, what did Jax mean?” Ray asks, following him on to the ship.

 

Nate sighs and his skin shifts from metal to flesh. Now Ray can see that he looks resigned. “It’s nothing. I should have known I didn’t stand a chance with you, from the second _he_ came back from the dead.”

 

Ray is stunned. “A chance…with me?”

 

“Yeah,” Nate says. “Especially after we grabbed him and un-brainwashed him. You didn’t leave his side in the med-bay and I really should have just known then that I’d lost you to those glare-y icy blue eyes.”

 

“Hold on,” Ray says, “I’m still stuck on the fact that you never told me that you have feelings for me. Why didn’t you say anything, man?”

 

Nate sighs, and steels back up. “Can we just move on, please?”

 

Ray nods, and they’re silent for a while, scouting the first ship. Ray had been feeling so good, and now he feels entirely conflicted.

 

There’s nothing to be done, though, as much as he so badly wants to find a way to make everything better. He’s thrown in with Leonard, and he couldn’t back out even if he wanted to. Which he doesn’t; he’s in love with Leonard. _So_ in love. God, that kiss…

 

No, the mission, Ray reminds himself. Focus on the mission.

 

Still, he feels bad. He knows it’s not his fault he didn’t notice Nate’s feelings, but it doesn’t stop him from feeling guilty. He’d been reveling in Leonard’s growing tendency toward public affection, not realizing that it was most likely hurting another teammate. Would he have done anything differently if he’d known about Nate, though?

 

Leonard’s comfort around the team is so important to Ray. Leonard had seemed lost when he came back, like he wasn’t sure where he fit in. But, as he got closer with Ray, he got closer with the rest of the team, too. He no longer lurked at the edges of the rooms; he sat right next to Ray, in the center, with the team.

 

He joined in discussions, more than just sarcastic commentary, and he wasn’t afraid to throw out an idea, or a comment, or, in rare cases, a compliment. Those were usually directed at Ray, and often said half-sarcastically, but they were still compliments and Ray choose to take them as such. Even if they included the words, ‘idiot,’ ‘moron,’ and ‘dumbass,’ more often than not.

 

Ray circles back, hears Firestorm and Nate talking, and strides forward, to join the conversation and fill them on in what he found.

 

“—Snart’s like a big brother to me, man,” Jax is saying as Ray walks toward the room at the end of the hallway. “I know you still don’t like him ‘cause he got to Ray before you did, but Ray’s not wrong. Snart _does_ care about us, about the team. He just sucks at showing it. But, you know, he looks after me. You just gotta give him a chance, like Ray says.”

 

Ray steps into the room and smiles, because he doesn’t know what else to do. “Ship’s clear,” he says. “I downloaded as much information as I could off the ship’s computers, so we’ll take that to Gideon after we check the other three.”

 

“Great,” Nate says, a grimace clear on his de-steeled face. “Uh, look, about Snart—”

 

“It’s fine,” Ray says, attempting a reassuring smile. “I get it, and I’m sorry about the whole not-knowing-you-had-feelings-for-me thing. Are you gonna be okay? I mean, with me and Snart being open about our relationship? Because I don’t want to hide it, but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or upset, either.”

 

Nate considers his words for a moment as they all head to the next ship. “It’s gonna sting,” he says, finally, “but I can live with it. Honestly, it will probably help me get over you.”

 

“Oh. Well, good,” Ray says. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do to make it easier for you! Because, uh, I’m planning on being with Leonard for a long, long time.”

 

“Uh, that’s cool, man. I’ll let you know,” Nate says, steels up, and walks away.

 

Ray sighs, and head to the second timeship to start his rounds.

 

* * *

 

Finally, after finishing the sweeps of the ships and briefing Sara, Ray is free. He _really_ needs to get out of the ATOM suit and take a shower. Instead, he heads directly to Leonard’s room. They’ve been tiptoeing around this for long enough, and Ray’s sure he’s just gonna get sweaty again, anyway.

 

He knocks. He’s not sure why he knocks, it’s not like he doesn’t basically live in Leonard’s room at this point.

 

“Come in,” Leonard calls, and Ray opens the door. Leonard is lounging on the bed in his sweatpants and t-shirt, his tablet resting on his lap. “Hi,” he says, sitting up and putting the tablet down.

 

“Hi,” Ray says in response, stepping into the room and letting the door close behind him. All of a sudden, he feels unsure. This is new territory. Yes, they’ve been moving towards it all along, but now that they’re here, Ray isn’t sure what to do with himself.

 

“You’re still in the ATOM suit,” Leonard says, and Ray nods.

 

“I thought you might be waiting for me,” Ray responds.

 

Leonard inclines his head slightly. “I may have been.”

 

Ray puts his helmet down on the desk, running his fingers through his hair. “Sorry, I’ve probably got horrible helmet-hair, I’ve been in the suit for way too many hours.”

 

Leonard beckons Ray forward, and Ray complies, walking slowly over to the bed.

 

“Hurry up, Raymond, I don’t bite,” Leonard says, a grin slowly growing on his lips. “Unless you want me to, of course.” He winks, and Ray feels his face flushing as he reaches the bed. “Hmm,” Leonard says, running his fingers through Ray’s hair, combing and styling it, “you like that idea, Raymond? Biting?”

 

Ray swallows. “I might,” he says, trying not to groan at the fingernails scraping lightly across his scalp. It’s one of his favorite types of stimulation, which Leonard knows.

 

Leonard’s grin grows, until it reminds Ray of the Cheshire Cat. “Ooh,” he says, slow and seductive.

 

The sound goes right to Ray’s dick, and he sucks in a breath of air. “You’re a tease, Leonard,” he says, his voice only slightly shaking.

 

“I’m only a tease if it turns you on, _sunshine_ ,” Leonard says, still grinning wide. He stops running his fingers through Ray’s hair and rests his hands on the ATOM chest piece instead.

 

Ray leans forward slightly, until he’s only a few inches away from Leonard’s face. “You know it does,” he says. “You know that very well, in fact. And I’m gonna have to put up with a whole new smattering of nicknames from you, aren’t I?”

 

“Are you gonna complain about nicknames, or are you gonna kiss me?” Leonard asks, his breath warm against Ray’s lips.

 

Ray kisses him.

 

And kisses him, and kisses him, and kisses him.

 

Ray had expected it to be hot and heavy right away, but Leonard moves slowly against his lips, taking his time. Now that they’re alone, nothing feels rushed, nothing feels urgent. Damn, Leonard is a good kisser. Ray’s not sure he’s ever felt anything as hot as Leonard’s iron control, and he moans softly as heat pools in the pit of his stomach.

 

“Help me out of the suit?” he asks, muttered against Leonard’s mouth.

 

Leonard hums in agreement and leans back. As the two of them pull off piece after piece, Leonard says, “I bet you could lift me easily, in the suit.” When Ray nods, he continues, “We could play around with that, another time, if you’d like?”

 

Ray looks over at Leonard, watches him walk over and carefully place his handful of ATOM suit pieces on the desk. “Yeah,” Ray says, imagining it. It’s a nice image, lifting Leonard up, pressing him up against a wall, kissing him until they’re bruised and moaning into each other’s mouths…Ray feels his face heating up again. “I, um, we could do that.”

 

The suit is finally, fully off, and Leonard rakes his eyes over Ray’s body, still clad in the under-suit. “Take your shirt off,” he orders, and Ray feels warm all over. He complies, slipping out of the jacket and tugging his shirt over his head. Leonard walks over, and rests his hands on Ray’s shoulders.

 

“Oh,” Ray says, as Leonard slowly drags his hands down Ray’s chest, towards his stomach. Ray tries to focus on peeling himself out of his under-suit pants, and then he’s standing there, with Leonard’s hands on his hips, in nothing but his boxers.

 

“I’ve wanted to do this since that first night we spent together, when I came out of the bathroom to find you half-naked in the middle of my room,” Leonard mutters, and leans forward to press his lips to Ray’s collarbone, his hands finding their way onto Ray’s ass.

 

Ray can’t help but let out a low moan as Leonard drags his teeth along Ray’s skin. “God, Leonard,” he groans, “I really thought you would _stop_ being such a tease when we finally got together.”

 

Little huffs of air across his skin clue Ray into the fact that Leonard is laughing at him. Well, Ray’s had enough of this. He grabs fistfuls of the front of Leonard’s shirt and walks backwards, kissing Leonard and pulling him over to the bed. Ray falls onto the bed he’s spent so many nights in, and Leonard lands on top of him, slipping in between Ray’s legs.

 

They kiss for a minute, until Ray tugs at the hem of Leonard’s shirt. Leonard hesitates, pushing up and sitting back on his heels. His eyes are wide, pupils dilated, his lips swollen, and Ray has never seen anyone so gorgeous.

 

“Raymond,” Leonard starts, “I’m, uh—”

 

“It’s okay,” Ray says, but Leonard shakes his head.

 

“I don’t let people see my scars,” Leonard says, but he grabs at the neck of his t-shirt and pulls it over his head anyway. His chest is a patchwork of scars and Ray lets out a low whistle.

 

Even with the scars, Leonard is the sexiest man Ray has ever seen. Ray tells him as much, and the vulnerable look falls off Leonard’s face, to be replaced by a slow, seductive grin. “I knew I liked you for a reason, Raymond.”

 

“Then come back here and kiss me,” Ray responds, giddy laughter bubbling up in his chest. Leonard does so, his bare chest against Ray’s, warm and soft. Early on, Ray had expected Leonard to be all hard muscle. He wasn’t entirely wrong, but Leonard is softer than he’d thought—fit, but not as built as, say, Mick or Ray himself.

 

Finally, Ray starts to feel Leonard lose that iron control: his kisses get sloppier, yet no less sexy. It’s just that now, they’re filled with urgency, with need, and intercut with moans. Ray wraps his legs tight around Leonard’s waist, guiding Leonard’s hips with his hands, to thrust back and forth.

 

Ray is distantly aware that he and Leonard are going to get off like teenagers, still half-clothed, but he’s too far gone to care. Leonard is moving against him, steady and heated, and Ray can feel his brain short-circuiting with each thrust.

 

“Leonard—” Ray moans, choked off with a gasp.

 

“Yes, _dear_?” Leonard says, in an far-too-breathy attempt at his usual drawl. “How may I help you?” he asks, pressing wet, open-mouthed kisses against the side of Ray’s neck.

 

“Oh, fuck.” Ray throws his head back, giving Leonard more access to the sensitive areas of his neck.

 

Leonard hums, and the vibration reverberates through Ray’s body. “So the boy scout _does_ swear, I wasn’t sure.” He continues to rock his hips, and Ray starts to see stars.

 

“ _Fuck,_ Leonard, I’m not gonna last much longer,” Ray says, his hands grasping at Leonard’s ass.

 

“Good,” Leonard says, grabbing a handful of Ray’s hair. “Come for me, _lover boy_ ,” he says, bringing their lips together in a bruising kiss.

 

Ray whimpers into Leonard’s mouth, and lets go. He comes, crying out against Leonard’s lips. He feels Leonard thrust against him a few more times and then Leonard, too, comes, moaning Ray’s name.

 

“ _Raymond_ ,” he says, reverently, and collapses. They lie there for a minute, gasping for air, drenched in sweat.

 

“Well,” Leonard says finally, “good to know we’re so into each other that we don’t even need to take all our clothes off to come.”

 

Ray laughs, running his fingertips up and down Leonard’s spine. “Maybe next time we’ll be fully naked. I didn’t mind this, though. As first times go, it was _very_ enjoyable.”

 

Leonard hums in agreement, and then chuckles as Ray’s stomach grumbles. “Are you hungry, Raymond?”

 

“…Yes,” Ray replies, sheepish. He is, in fact, starving. He’s probably been hungry since before he finished scouting the ships, before he went directly to Leonard’s room. He’d just ignored it. “I should go shower,” he says, reluctantly easing himself out from under Leonard. “Meet you at dinner?”

 

“You could just use my shower,” Leonard offers, making it easier and rolling off Ray to flop onto his back. “It’s not like you don’t have most of your clothes here already.”

 

“Okay!” Ray says, grinning. It almost feels like he’s just officially moved in, but he decides to keep that to himself, in case that’s not what Leonard actually meant. “Um…do you have shampoo I could use?”

 

Leonard leans up on his elbows and rolls his eyes. “I _have_ hair, moron. Just because it’s short doesn’t mean I don’t have _any_.”

 

“Mmm, good to know,” Ray says, leaning back over the bed to kiss Leonard again.

 

Leonard leans into it for a second, before pushing Ray back. “Go, shower. If you keep this up, we’ll never get to dinner.” But his hand lingers on Ray’s chest, anyway. Ray takes Leonard’s hand and puts it up against his lips briefly, before walking away from the bed and into the bathroom.

 

He showers as quickly as possible, scrubbing off all the sweat and grime of the day, and trying not to let his mind wander too much. It’s easier than he’d expected, because he’s in here, alone, and Leonard is back out in the room. If he gets distracted by thoughts of Leonard, he can pull himself out by reminding himself that Leonard is out there, and _his_.

 

Ray steps out of the shower, drying off and wrapping the towel around his waist before heading back out into the bedroom to scrounge up some clothes. Leonard is still lying on the bed, his tablet pulled back out, clearly reading. Ray loves how Leonard takes any quiet opportunity to read. Leonard’s such a bookworm, not that he’d ever admit it to anyone.

 

“Your turn!” Ray says, grinning. Leonard looks up from his book, and his expression shifts subtly from reading-mode to ogling-mode as he rakes his eyes up and down Ray’s body. Ray laughs. “Now who’s holding us up from going to dinner?”

 

Leonard smirks. “Not my fault you’ve got a great body. You’re the one who came out here in only a towel.” But he stands, presses a quick kiss to Ray’s cheek, and heads into the bathroom as Ray rifles through the clothes he’s left—okay, stashed—there. He pieces together an outfit and finishes getting dressed as Leonard comes out of the bathroom, also only in a towel.

 

“I forgot to bring my clothes in, okay?” Leonard says. He’s glaring, but there’s no heat behind it, and Ray takes the time to actually _look_ at Leonard. At his scars. At least, until Leonard starts squirming.

 

“Sorry,” Ray says. “Do you not want me to focus on them?”

 

Leonard considers for a minute, picking out clothes. Ray sees that his back is also covered in scars, of all different shapes and sizes, and he can’t help but be curious.

 

“You should know,” Leonard says, his voice almost a whisper. “What they are. Who they’re from.”

 

Ray steps forward and puts a hand on Leonard’s shoulder. “You don’t have to tell me now, Leonard. It’s okay. I’m not going anywhere, you can tell me when you’re ready.”

 

Leonard turns into Ray’s open embrace, buries his face against Ray’s chest. “I want you to know,” he says, his voice muffled.

 

“Okay,” Ray says, rubbing his thumb against the base of Leonard’s skull. “I’m here, I’m listening.”

 

“My father he—he got mean when he drank. Violent.” Leonard clutches at the back of Ray’s sweater. “He’d come after me, after Lisa. He only touched Lisa once, knocked me aside and he just…he just hit her. Broke a bottle against her collarbone. For something stupid, for being a kid. I didn’t let him touch her after that. But that meant getting in the way, standing in the way. Getting a fist, a bottle, a belt. That’s the scars on my back, his belt.”

 

Leonard takes a deep, shaky breath, breathes out slow and severe. Ray’s heart feels like it’s been shattered into a million pieces. “Leonard,” he breathes, “I am so sorry.” His words feel flat, like nothing he can say will be good enough to convey the weight of the situation.

 

“It’s okay,” Leonard says, his face still pressed into Ray’s chest. “I killed him, so…”

 

“What?!” Ray pushes him away. “You did _what_?”

 

Leonard shrugs. “He put a bomb in Lisa. Just so I’d work a job with him. He tried to shoot Barry. I couldn’t let him walk.”

 

“He—”

 

“He put a _bomb in my sister_ , Raymond. My _baby sister_.” Leonard’s eyes are glistening, and Ray sweeps him up in a hug again.

 

“I’m sure you did what you had to,” Ray says, trying to sound reassuring. He’s still a bit in shock, but it’s not like he can ever fully comprehend what Leonard must have gone through. Ray had a perfectly normal childhood, if a bit lonely—even with a twin brother.

 

“Raymond—” Leonard starts, but Ray needs to talk, needs to make sure Leonard knows what he means.

 

“I’m not going to pretend I understand, Leonard, but I’m not going anywhere. When I said I’m all yours, when I said I had no illusions about who you are and what you’ve done, I meant all those things. It may take a bit for me to adjust to information like the fact that you _killed your father_ , because that’s not something I normally hear, but I trust you and I lo—uh, I care about you.”

 

Whoops, Ray had almost said _love_. That’s a sure way to freak Leonard out, dropping the ‘l-bomb’ the second they officially get together. Leonard has to have noticed—he doesn’t miss anything, especially now that he’s consistently well-rested—but he stays quiet, letting Ray hold him.

 

And then, of course, Ray’s stomach has to go and grumble again and cut through the serious mood. At least it gets Leonard laughing, even if it’s a small, weak laugh.

 

“Okay, Raymond, that’s enough _feelings_ for one lifetime, let’s go get you some dinner.”

 

Leonard gets dressed and the two of them walk off to the dining room, hand in hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to the lovely Ruth for beta-ing!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's all fun and games until your sister thinks you're dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be the last chapter, everything was supposed to wrap up neatly with a bow. This is....decidedly not the last chapter, nothing's wrapped up, I'm a mess.

“Oh, I will be cruel to you[…]. It will stop your breath, how cruel I can be. But you understand, don’t you? You are clever enough. I am a demanding creature. I am selfish and cruel and extremely unreasonable. But I am your servant. When you starve I will feed you; when you are sick I will tend you. I crawl at your feet; for before your love, your kisses, I am debased. For you alone I will be weak.”  
- _Deathless_ , Catherynne M. Valente

 

* * *

 

“So,” Raymond asks as they walk to the mess hall, “is there anything you need me to do, or not do, in front of the team? Like, I mean, you kissed me in front of them earlier today, so clearly you’re more open to PDA? Not that I plan on making out with you in front of them, but can I like, kiss you and stuff? In front of them?”

 

Leonard considers this for a moment. “Yes,” he says, after a minute. “I am okay with, uh, your affection, Raymond. You can show that.” He can be vulnerable. Maybe. Sometimes.

 

“Okay!” Raymond says, grinning. He gives Leonard a quick kiss on the cheek before they walk into the kitchen.

 

They’d expected the room to be empty, due to the somewhat late hour, but the team is sitting crowded around a table, glasses of booze in front of them.

 

“They emerge!” Sara says, mock-cheering them with her whiskey.

 

Leonard’s first instinct is to pull his hand out of Raymond’s, but he resists. “Were you waiting for us?” he asks, instead.

 

Sara shakes her head. “We’re celebrating our survival. Join us!”

 

He and Raymond look at each other, and Leonard can see the question in Raymond’s eyes. He nods, and Raymond grins back. “Yeah,” Leonard says, “we’ll grab dinner and join.”

 

There’s a variety of celebratory noises from the already-tipsy team, followed by a scraping of chairs as they rearrange the seating to make room for the two men.

 

Raymond loads his plate up with a ridiculous amount of proteins and greens, while Leonard just has Gideon make him some pasta with chicken. Then they each grab a drink, and walk into the mess to join the rest of the team.

 

“Work up an appetite, Ray?” Sara asks, eyeing the pile of food on Raymond’s plate.

 

“Hmm? Oh, yeah, I was in the ATOM suit for _way_ too many hours today,” Raymond responds with a smile.

 

Mick chimes in, “She meant with the sex.”

 

Raymond’s face instantly goes red.

 

“ _Mick_ ,” Leonard says, in a warning tone.

 

“What?” Mick asks, smirking. “We’re all adults here. Except Jax…”

 

“Hey! I’m twenty-one now!” Jax argues, as Leonard says, “Jax is an adult, don’t be a dick.”

 

“Fine,” Mick says. “Just sayin’, it’s not like any of us didn’t know why you two took so long to come to dinner.”

 

Leonard glares. Mick never knows when to shut up. “That may be true, but what Raymond and I get up to on our own time, in the privacy of our room, is none of your business.”

 

Raymond turns to him, eyes wide. “ _Our_ room?” he asks, quietly.

 

Oh. Leonard had definitely not meant to say that. “Um.” He looks over, meets Raymond’s eyes, and sees only excitement. He shrugs. “Yeah, I mean, I guess.”

 

Mick starts laughing, and Leonard aims a kick at his shin. He hits, dead-on, and Mick winces. “Ow.”

 

“Stop being an asshole,” Leonard orders. “Don’t forget, I know all your secrets.”

 

“Alright, alright, sorry,” Mick says, trying to smother a smirk.

 

Leonard shakes his head, and takes a bite of his pasta. Beside him, Raymond continuously switches between cutting his food, and putting his knife down and placing his free hand somewhere on Leonard while he eats the food he’s just cut. It’s ridiculously cute, and Leonard has to stop himself from smiling fondly at Raymond. He sometimes succeeds.

 

“So,” Leonard asks, after a bit of general chatter, “do we know why the Time Bastards were after us, or how they found us?”

 

Sara shakes her head. “Gideon’s still processing all the data that Ray pulled off their ships, and the interrogations have been…” She pauses and looks at Rip before finishing, “They’ve been unsuccessful so far. We’re working on it. But we do think they are after us for revenge, for blowing up the Oculus Wellspring.”

 

Leonard shifts uncomfortably. “So they’re only after us now because I’m back?” he asks, dreading the answer.

 

“It doesn’t seem that way, Mr. Snart,” Rip replies. “I think they were focused on regrouping, prior to your resurrection. It’s only a matter of timing, and not a result of your return from the dead.”

 

“And even if it was,” Raymond cuts in, “having you back is _worth it_.” He leans over and presses a kiss to Leonard’s cheek.

 

“You _would_ think that,” Nate mutters, and Leonard’s hackles rise.

 

Before he can retort, though, Sara speaks up. “Excuse me?” she asks, her voice hard. “Do you have something you’d like to share, _Nathaniel_?”

 

“Uh,” Nate looks a bit scared. “Nope.”

 

“That’s what I thought,” Sara says, her expression flat. “Because Leonard is your teammate. And if you can’t put aside your unrequited feelings and _get over it_ , then we need to have a talk.” She looks at Leonard, nods, and continues. “Apologize, and we can move on,” she says to Nate, her voice calm but firm.

 

Nate looks back and forth between Sara and Leonard, and sighs. “I’m sorry, man.”

 

Leonard inclines his head slightly, in acknowledgment.

 

“Okay, now that that’s settled,” Sara says, and then launches into a five-step plan for the next few days in the time stream.

 

Leonard listens to the relevant parts, and spends the rest of his time running his hand up and down Raymond’s thigh. He does enjoy making Raymond squirm and blush, especially since he’s still a little pissed at Nate.

 

When Sara finishes and the team members all accept their various assignments, they start filing out, to head to sleep. Soon, the only people left are the two of them and Sara.

 

“I’m happy for you,” she says, when the room clears. “I won’t keep you, but I just wanted to say that I’m glad you pushed through whatever barrier was in the way of you getting together.”

 

“Thanks, Sara,” Leonard says, feeling a bit lighter. Raymond just beams.

 

She smiles at them, and leaves.

 

“So,” Raymond says, “now that you’ve spent almost the entire dinner feeling me up, can we go back to bed?”

 

Leonard puts on his most innocent expression which, really, isn’t all that innocent. “Feeling you up? I have no idea—”

 

Raymond cuts him off with a kiss. It’s so passionate that Leonard has to stop himself from climbing on top of Raymond right then and there. “Bed,” Raymond says, pulling back. “Now.”

 

Leonard grins, and lets Raymond pull him up and back to _their_ bedroom.

 

* * *

 

Morning hits, and everything’s different. Leonard wakes up in Raymond’s arms, like he’s done every morning for the past few months. But, this morning, there’s no need to shift away, no need to hold himself back from pressing a sleepy good morning kiss to Raymond’s lips.

 

“Mmm,” Raymond murmurs, still half asleep, “I love waking up to you.” He leans back in for another kiss before Leonard can process his words, and they get lost in the kiss.

 

Everything’s sleepy, slow, and sweet. Leonard rests one hand on Raymond’s broad chest, the other cupping Raymond’s cheek as their mouths move against each other. Raymond curls one hand on the small of Leonard’s back, holding him close, grazing Leonard’s jaw with the fingertips of his other hand.

 

Their legs are still tangled together from sleep, and there’s only thin material separating them from being pressed fully naked against each other. Taking off their underwear, though, would mean disentangling and that’s a _process_. So Leonard just moves his hand down from Raymond’s face, trailing it gently along Raymond’s rib cage, then hip, and then slipping it inside Raymond’s boxers to grasp at his lover’s erection.

 

“Leonard,” Raymond breathes, hot against his lips. “Oh, _yes_.”

 

Leonard moves his hand slowly, taking his own pleasure in the soft moans coming out of the other man’s mouth. “You like that, Raymond?” he asks, unable to hold back a smile.

 

Raymond meets his gaze, grins back, his face flushed and pupils dilated with want and lust. “I do, _darling_ , ohhh.” His eyes flutter shut again, a look of pure bliss on his face that sends tremors through Leonard’s entire body.

 

It’s so unfair for one man to be this unbelievably gorgeous, but at least he’s _Leonard’s_. At least this ridiculously handsome man is moving his hips in rhythm with Leonard’s hand wrapped around his cock, making soft keening noises in the back of his throat. At least Leonard’s name is on his lips when he comes, spilling out hot over Leonard’s hand.

 

And then Raymond says, “Love you,” as he pants, coming down from the orgasm. Leonard’s mind goes blank.

 

“You…what?” Leonard asks, swallowing down panic.

 

Raymond eyes flit open, and he seems to realize what he just said. “Um…oops. Don’t freak out, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say it so soon, um…”

 

“You love me?” Leonard repeats, his heart pounding, his hand still down the front of Raymond’s boxers.

 

Raymond groans, and presses his forehead against Leonard’s. “Yes. Yes, Leonard. I do. I didn’t want to scare you away, but I got caught up in the moment and—”

 

Scare him? Leonard’s never been good with emotions, but he’s never really been loved, either. It’s new and it’s raw and it’s _terrifying_ , but in the way it always is before he steps into a fight. It’s exciting, it’s fresh. Leonard’s heart still feels like it’s going to jump out of his chest, but he feels _good_ , too.

 

“Why would that scare me away?” Leonard asks, pulling his hand out and wiping it on a tissue. When it’s clean, he rests it back on Raymond’s hip. Raymond is silent, and Leonard continues, “Raymond, I’ve _met you_. I know how you are, I know how you love. I know that when you fall, you fall hard. Hearing you say that, it’s a shock, but it’s not really a surprise.”

 

“So you’re not…” Raymond trails off, and runs his fingertips up and down Leonard’s back.

 

“Not what?” Leonard asks. “Not upset? Not freaking out? A little, on the latter. But…yeah, being—being _loved_ by you is something I’m okay with. I don’t know if I can say it back, just yet. But if you’re okay with me not being able to say it, then I’m okay with you saying it.” Leonard swallows, lets the words hang in the air, feels Raymond considering the weight of them.

 

“I love you, Leonard,” Raymond says, finally, before leaning back in for another kiss. It gets heated almost immediately, and Leonard gets swept up in it, in the sensations, in the feelings.

 

“I love you,” Raymond says, pushing Leonard onto his back.

 

“I love you,” Raymond says, kissing a line down Leonard’s chest.

 

“I love you,” Raymond says, hooking his fingers into the waistband of Leonard’s boxer-briefs and pulling them down.

 

“I love you,” Raymond says, and takes Leonard into his mouth, swallowing him down.

 

“Oh, fuck, _Raymond_ ,” Leonard says, tangling his fingers in Raymond’s hair as his lover goes down on him, unskilled and sloppy but really _fucking hot_.

 

“I love you,” Raymond says, after Leonard comes into his mouth, peering up through his eyelashes with swollen lips and a mischievous grin.

 

“ _Raymond_ ,” Leonard repeats, half-moaning the name.

 

“Mmm,” Raymond responds, lying back down beside Leonard again, pressing a light kiss to his lips. “How do you feel?” he asks, gathering Leonard back up in his arms.

 

“Like my bones are jelly,” Leonard responds, with a light laugh. “ _God_ , Raymond, your _mouth_.”

 

“So it was good?” Raymond asks. “I haven’t, uh, done that in a while. I’m pretty out of practice.”

 

Leonard laughs again. “Yes, Raymond, it was good. It was _very good_. Fuck, I never want to leave this bed again.”

 

“Me either, but Sara gave us tasks,” Raymond reminds him.

 

Leonard sighs. “We’re in the time stream so…it’s not like time actually matters, right?” he asks, half-joking. “We could just do them later, right?”

 

“You just don’t like following orders,” Raymond says with a grin.

 

“You’re not wrong,” Leonard responds. “Okay, fine. I _guess_ I’ll leave this bed.” He tries to get up, but Raymond pulls him back down for a kiss. “Mmm, or we could stay…”

 

Reluctantly, Raymond pulls back after a minute. “No, we should get up. But, first, I want to ask you something.”

 

“Okay…” Leonard says, suspicious.

 

“Nothing bad!” Raymond clarifies. “I just want to make sure we’re on the same page. We’re _dating_ ,” he says, posed as half a question. Leonard nods, and Raymond continues. “And you’re my _boyfriend_.”

 

“Yeah, Raymond, of course,” Leonard says. “What, you wanna update your facebook status or something?”

 

Raymond laughs. “My facebook is technically a memorial page, since I’m still legally dead back home so, no, but cute.”

 

“Wait, what?” Leonard asks. “Legally dead? But, weren’t you just in Central City? Twice, that you told me about?”

 

Raymond squirms. “Uh, yeah. Last time was too hectic, you know, with the aliens and stuff.”

 

“And the first time?” Leonard asks, suddenly concerned at how Raymond is avoiding the question.

 

“Yeah, uh, that was just for a few weeks. I crashed with Cisco, so…”

 

That’s not like Raymond, to be so closed off about information. So, Leonard prods. “So, you didn’t contact anyone? Didn’t call your family, or your Arrow friends, or anyone?”

 

“No,” Raymond says, avoiding his gaze. “Just, you know, laid low. Tinkered. I, uh, tried to find Lisa…”

 

“What?!” Leonard pushes back so he can look at Raymond’s face. “To tell her—”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Did you?” Leonard asks, his heartbeat sounding in his ears. Does his sister think he’s dead?

 

“No!” Raymond says, looking concerned. “No, of course not. I couldn’t find her. If I had told her, I would have brought you back to her the second you were yourself again. Come on, Leonard, I wouldn’t do that to her. To _you_.”

 

Leonard flops onto his back, the wind knocked out of him. Before he can say anything else, though, Gideon’s voice sounds through the speaker.

 

“Apologies for the interruption, gentlemen. The Captain requests your presence on the bridge. She requested I play a message for you, which I would caution against, due to the strong language contained within.”

 

Leonard sighs. “Play the message, Gideon.” His conversation with Raymond about his sister can continue later.

 

Sara’s voice sounds over the speaker. “Okay, boys, I’ve given you enough time. I’m sure your morning sex is very enjoyable, but please stop fucking and join us on the bridge.”

 

Even with his heart still pounding in his ears, Leonard laughs. Raymond laughs too, and leans over to kiss Leonard quickly.

 

“I guess we should get up,” Raymond says, and does so, holding out his hand to help Leonard out of bed. “Although I’m not sure if it will go faster or slower if we shower together…”

 

“Let’s find out,” Leonard says, pushing away their previous conversation for now, and pulling Raymond into the bathroom.

 

* * *

 

It takes longer, of course.

 

By the time they stumble out of their room, they’re _really late_ and Sara is going to be pissed. They almost make it to the bridge before Raymond stops dead.

 

“Uh-oh,” he says, “Barry.”

 

Leonard raises an eyebrow. “What about the Scarlet Speedster?”

 

“Um. He may still think, uh, that you’re dead.”

 

“Okay, and why does that matter?” Leonard asks, not seeing his point.

 

Raymond’s eyes are wide and Leonard starts to worry. “If he does,” Raymond says, “then Cisco probably does, too. I didn't tell him the first time, it was too...soon. But Barry probably told Cisco.”

 

Oh shit. That’s where Raymond’s mind is going. “And if Cisco saw Lisa, she may know,” he finishes. “Fuck. We gotta get to Central City.”

 

“Agreed,” Raymond says, and they rush onto the bridge.

 

“Finally,” Sara starts, seeing them finally appear.

 

“We need to go to Central City,” Raymond says, as greeting.

 

Sara gives the both of them a flat stare. “Why?” she asks, her voice hard.

 

“Lisa might think I’m dead,” Leonard says, fighting to keep his voice from wavering.

 

“Ray—” Sara starts, but Raymond shakes his head.

 

“Cisco,” Raymond explains.

 

Sara nods. “Okay, take the jump ship. We can hold things down here until you guys get back.”

 

Of course she understands, with her now-gone sister. “Thank you, Sara.” Leonard turns to leave, but stops. “Mick?” he asks his friend.

 

Mick shakes his head. “Tell her I say hi,” he says, with a significant look. Leonard gets it, he gets why Mick didn’t tell Lisa. Mick didn’t want to see her break. He didn’t want her to see _him_ break. If Mick has a hard time saying ‘dead’ even now that Leonard is back from it, Leonard can only imagine how hard it was to say when he was still, well, dead.

 

He and Raymond make their way to the jump ship, and back to Central City. They land in the center of the S.T.A.R. Labs parking lot, and Leonard is off the ship before the engines are fully off.

 

“Cisco,” he calls, to the welcoming committee. “Did you tell my sister I’m dead?”

 

Team Flash just stands there, in varying levels of shock. Raymond runs after him, and actually greets Barry, Caitlin, and Cisco. Leonard cuts him off.

 

“Cisco.”

 

“Okay, yes, I told your sister, Cold. What the hell, man. You were dead!” Cisco flinches as Leonard walks up to him.

 

“Where is she?” Leonard asks, his voice tight. He opens his mouth to ask again, but Raymond loops a hand through his arm and pulls him back.

 

“Excuse us for a second, guys,” Raymond says, throwing sunshine into his voice, and bodily dragging Leonard away from Team Flash and their highly confused expressions. “These are our friends— _your_ friends, Leonard. I know it’s your sister, and I know she means more to you than anything, but you don’t need to yell at them. They’ll help you. Breathe, sweetheart.” He takes a deep breath and indicates for Leonard to copy him.

 

Leonard rolls his eyes but does so, and feels his heartbeat even out slightly. He looks back over his shoulder to Team Flash, and sees that Barry, Cisco, and Caitlin are deep in conversation, looking panicked. “Lisa—”

 

“I know, Leonard. But freaking Cisco out isn’t going to help us find her any faster. We’ll get to her, okay? Just breathe.” Raymond leans forward, presses a quick kiss to Leonard’s forehead. Leonard melts into it, lets Raymond hug him tightly for a moment. Then Raymond takes his hand and walks them back over to the team.

 

The team who have gone from looking panicked to looking dumbfounded.

 

“Uh, what’s going on?” Caitlin asks shrilly, looking at their clasped hands.

 

Raymond grins at her, and Leonard thinks it’s as much out of nervousness as much as it is placating. “Oh, Leonard and I are dating!”

 

“ _Dating_?” Barry asks, his jaw dropping. Leonard just nods. “Since when? And, speaking of that, since when are you alive, Snart?” he asks. “Last time we saw Ray, he told us you were dead!”

 

“We’ve been dating officially since yesterday,” Leonard answers, “and I _was_ dead. Now I’m not. We’ve all been there. Can we,” he looks up at Raymond to collect and calm himself, “can we _please_ move on to the moment where you tell me where I can find my sister so I can tell her that I am no longer dead?”

 

“Yeah, uh, about that,” Cisco says. “She left town, man. I don’t know where she is.”

 

Leonard tries not to glare. He _almost_ succeeds. Raymond notices and takes control.

 

“Okay, that’s fine! We can find her, right?” he asks, looking over at Leonard hopefully.

 

“I’ll find her,” Leonard says, pulling his hand out of Raymond’s and stalking off. He hears Raymond making excuses to Team Flash behind him and then Raymond catches up to him.

 

“Where are you going?” he asks.

 

“Safe house,” Leonard responds. “She’ll have left some way to contact her, even if it’s just for Mick.”

 

“Okay!” Raymond says, and falls into step beside him. “And then, when we find her, we’re gonna go back and you’re gonna apologize to Barry, Caitlin, and Cisco for freaking them out.”

 

“…Maybe,” Leonard says. “One thing at a time.” They fall silent as they walk across the city, even after Raymond slips his hand back into Leonard’s.

 

It’s comforting, but Leonard can only focus on his baby sister. His baby sister, who thinks he’s dead. He supposes it’s good that someone told her, but he’s alive and she’s suffering and he just can’t bear that. He’d do anything to keep her from suffering.

 

They get to a rickety old building, and Leonard picks the lock. “Lost my keys,” he explains to Raymond’s raised eyebrow. “Plus, it’s my building.”

 

“Your building?” Raymond asks.

 

“Yeah,” Leonard replies. “You don’t think I’d have a safe house that wasn’t secure, do you? It’s routed through a handful of shell corporations and a few different banks but, yeah. I own this building, and a few others around town.”

 

The shocked expression on Raymond’s face startles a laugh out of Leonard.

 

“Raymond, you forget: I was a _very_ good thief. Still am, just use those skills for different things now. You may be a former billionaire but, honey, I’m _loaded_.” He winks, striding inside.

 

The safe house looks exactly as he had remembered it. Canned goods on the shelves, a threadbare couch perched in front of an ancient TV set, bare walls and a creaky door leading into a bedroom.

 

“Not exactly luxury,” Leonard says, heading straight to the secret panel in the wall, “but it’s good in a pinch.” He pries the board off the wall, and pulls out a small phone. The phone powers on, and Leonard calls the only number stored in it.

 

Of course, it goes right to answering machine. “You either know who you’re calling, or this is a wrong number,” his sister’s voice chirps through the speaker. “Leave a message, or don’t, I don’t really care.”

 

The tone beeps, and Leonard almost forgets to speak for a second. “Lisa,” he says, after a pause. “It’s me. Contrary to what Cisco may have told you, I’m alive. Well, again. Alive again. Look, just call me. Or, if you’re in Central City, come to S.T.A.R. Labs. That’s where Raym—uh, well, you’ll see. I’ll be there. I love you, sis. I’m sorry.” He hangs up, and finds that breathing is more difficult that it had been just a second ago.

 

Raymond collects Leonard in his arms, and Leonard leans into the embrace, trying to remember how breathing works. He feels Raymond specifically taking slow, deep, breaths and he copies that.

 

“You okay, sweetie?” Raymond asks. Leonard shakes his head, tucked up under Raymond’s chin. “What do you need?”

 

Leonard lifts his head, considers Raymond for a second, then leans forward to press their lips together. “You,” he says, when they break apart. “I need you.”

 

Raymond looks around, slightly startled. “What, like, here?”

 

Leonard laughs. “I didn’t mean sex, Raymond. I just meant, you being here for me. That’s what I need.”

 

“Oh!” Raymond says, looking sheepish. “That, I can do.”

 

“I do appreciate that you were ready, though,” Leonard says, half-laughing.

 

They close up the safe house and head back to the lab, the burner phone heavy and silent in Leonard’s pocket.

 

* * *

 

They all go out to dinner: Barry, Cisco, Caitlin, Leonard and Raymond. They pick a moderately nice restaurant, and Leonard offers to pay (with the stash he scooped up at the safe house) to apologize for earlier. From the look on Raymond’s face, Leonard’s going to get rewarded for _that_ later.

 

“So,” Cisco says, after they’ve all settled down and ordered. “What the hell, guys? Snart’s alive, you two are _dating_ , which, okay, didn’t see that coming.”

 

Raymond laughs, and launches into an explanation. Leonard half-listens, half-focuses on rubbing his hand in circles on Raymond’s upper back. That is, until he catches Barry staring at him.

 

“Can I help you, Scarlet?” he drawls, meeting Barry’s eyes steadily.

 

Barry shakes his head. “I knew you had it in you,” he says, a wry smile on his face. Raymond keeps relaying the story to Caitlin and Cisco, and Leonard and Barry continue in low voices.

 

Leonard rolls his eyes. “Yes, yes, I’m a hero now, congratulations, you were right.”

 

“And this, too,” Barry says, gesturing to Raymond. “You look happy, Leonard.”

 

“Did I say you could call me ‘Leonard?’” Leonard asks, only partially joking.

 

“He does,” Barry responds, nodding over at Raymond.

 

“ _He_ ,” Leonard says, “is my boyfriend. _You_ are just a pain in my ass.”

 

To his surprise, Barry grins. “Admit it, Snart, we’re friends.”

 

Leonard just rolls his eyes again, but there’s no heat behind it. He won’t admit it, but Barry does have a point. He’s always had a soft spot for the kid.

 

And then Leonard’s phone rings. He almost drops it, he pulls it out of his pocket so fast. Raymond’s hand lands on his shoulder, a calm reassurance.

 

“Lisa?”

 

“Oh my god, Lenny!” Lisa’s voice is thick, and Leonard can’t bear to hear her cry.

 

He’s choking back tears himself as he answers, “Lisa, are you okay?”

 

“Am I okay?” she asks, in a cross between a laugh and a sob. “You were dead!”

 

Leonard excuses himself from the table, and Raymond follows him outside.

 

“I’m back, sis,” he finally chokes out when they get outside. “Where are you?”

 

“I’m in Star City,” Lisa says, “but I’m getting on the next train back to Central City. What the hell happened to you?”

 

“I’ll tell you when you get here,”  he says, curling up in Raymond’s embrace. “It’s a long story.”

 

“Okay,” Lisa says, accepting of his promises as always. “The train gets in at noon tomorrow, I’ll see you at the train station?”

 

“I wouldn’t miss it,” Leonard says, feeling lighter than he has since Raymond dropped the bomb.

 

He hears Lisa sniffle over the speaker. “I’ve missed you, Lenny.”

 

Leonard has to take a deep breath before he can speak. It almost doesn’t quaver. “Missed you too, Lis’.”

 

They hang up after a few more moments, and a few more promises from Leonard that he’ll be there tomorrow at noon to meet her at the train station. Raymond’s arms are still encircling him, and he lets himself be comforted by the warmth, resting his head on Raymond’s shoulder.

 

Someone clears their throat from the restaurant doorway. Leonard looks up and meets Cisco’s eyes.

 

“Food’s here,” Cisco says, an odd look on his face.

 

Leonard nods, and he and Raymond follow Cisco back to the table, hand-in-hand.

 

It’s only after the meal is finished that Leonard finds out what Cisco thinks about the scene he witnessed.

 

“Didn’t know you could look like that,” Cisco says, as they walk outside.

 

“Like what?” Leonard asks, Raymond’s arm looped through his.

 

“Happy.”

 

Oh.

 

Cisco continues, “And not, like, scary-happy, either. I mean, I’ve seen you smile before, and it can still be pretty terrifying. This is different. This is…sweet, which is something I _never_ thought I’d be saying about Captain Cold, but here we are!”

 

“Yeah, well. Dying changes you. Coming back from the dead, even more so.”

 

Cisco looks contemplative at that, and Leonard lets him think it through, all the way back to S.T.A.R. Labs.

 

Leonard and Raymond had offered to go find a hotel, but apparently Team Flash has a few rooms they use for visitors and guests, and they offer up one of those.

 

“So, bathroom’s down the hall, shower and everything, fully stocked. Kitchen’s the other way, but there’s not much in it since Harry and Jesse left, HR doesn’t really cook much. Um, I think that’s everything. You guys need anything?” Barry asks, finishing up the tour.

 

“I think we’re all set, Barry, thanks!” Raymond says, glowing at him. Leonard just shuts the door in his face.

 

“Leonard, we talked about this,” Raymond starts, but Leonard pulls him in for a kiss instead, cutting him off. Raymond melts against him, and Leonard cheers internally. A new great, fun way to avoid getting yelled at is to just kiss Raymond into silence.

 

Sure, it’s maybe not the most healthy, or the best way to handle arguments in a relationship, but nobody ever said Leonard Snart was healthy about relationships.

 

So he and Raymond fall into bed together, and Leonard forgets about everything else, for a little while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, again Ruth, for being a fantastic beta!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, you just gotta call your boyfriend out for having a goddamn death wish.

“You will live as you live anywhere. With difficulty, and grief. Yes, you are dead. And I and my family and everyone, always, forever. All dead, like stones. But what does it matter? You still have to go to work in the morning. You still have to live.”  
- _Deathless_ , Catherynne M. Valente

 

* * *

 

Ray wakes up to a ringing phone cutting through the dark and the silence. He feels Leonard fumbling around for the phone.

 

“Hello?” Leonard says, blearily into the phone.

 

“Hi, Lenny!” Ray hears Lisa’s voice chirp out, way too energetic for whatever hour of the middle of the night it is.

 

“Lisa, it is _four am_.” Ah, that’s what time it is. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing! You know I can’t sleep on trains, big bro. I’m bored. Let’s face-time.”

 

Leonard groans. “I hate you, sis.”

 

Lisa’s laugh sounds through the speakers, loud and clear. “You love me! Turn on your camera, dear brother of mine.”

 

Ray leans over to turn on the lamp next to the bed, and looks around for his shirt. It’s halfway across the room and he sighs. Leonard, however, is suspicious.

 

“Lisa, who told you?”

 

“Told me what?” Lisa asks, and Ray recognizes that tone of voice from when Leonard is pretending to be innocent of something that he has very clearly done.

 

“About Raymond. Did you call Cisco?”

 

Lisa giggles. “I may have called Cisco.” Her voice gets less high-pitched and more serious. “He hung up on me, something about it being a horrid hour and also that I dumped him so I don’t get to call him asking him questions about my brother’s love life in the middle of the night.”

 

Leonard buries his face in his hands and Ray rubs his back, fingers bumping over scars. “Fine, Lisa,” Leonard says, and pulls the phone back, fiddling with it until the camera turns on.

 

Ray sees Lisa, alone in a car on a train, her light brown hair curling gently over her shoulders. He’s seen pictures of her, but they didn’t show that sharp wariness in her gaze that Ray knows very well from looking into her brother’s eyes.

 

“Hi, Lisa!” Ray says. “I’m Ray! It’s very nice to meet you, uh, over video chat.”

 

Lisa’s eyes move up and down, and Ray blushes.

 

“Lisa!” Leonard snaps. “Stop checking out my boyfriend.”

 

“Ooh,” Lisa says, a smirk on her face that reminds Ray so clearly of Leonard, “ _boyfriend_ , huh? He’s a cutie, that’s for sure.”

 

“Thank you!” Ray says, grinning through his blush. “You are very pretty, Lisa.”

 

“Both of you, stop this,” Leonard says, trying to sound more annoyed than Ray can tell he is. “Lisa, it’s the middle of the night. We were asleep. Did you just call to see what Raymond looks like shirtless?”

 

“What? Me?” Lisa asks, the picture of innocence. Leonard snorts, clearly not believing it for a second. “Okay, I _may_ have. Cisco said he was cute! I wanted to see him.”

 

“You’ll see him tomorrow, when we pick you up from the train station, sis,” Leonard reminds her.

 

“I know,” Lisa says, and lets out a long-suffering sigh. Over-dramatic speech patterns clearly run in the family, Ray thinks. “But I’m _bored_ , Lenny. I finished my book and I don’t know what I want to read next and you _know_ I can’t sleep on trains, and—”

 

“Lisa, my wonderful sister who I love dearly—please shut the fuck up and let us go back to sleep.”

 

Lisa pouts.

 

It’s enough to melt Ray’s heart, but it’s clearly been used on Leonard too many times because he just rolls his eyes at his baby sister.

 

“Lis’, come on. It’s four am. I’ll see you in a few hours. Just try to close your eyes. Put on music, or something. _Please_.”

 

Lisa grins suddenly, back to being chipper, and Ray feels like he’s going to get whiplash. If Leonard holds his emotions back, Lisa exaggerates them, plays them up for maximum effect, uses them to tug you in the direction she wants you to go in.

 

Ray doesn’t think it’s truly manipulation, although he senses a bit of that in there, just as he often sees Leonard try to subtly shift situations to his liking, with a nudge here and there. He just thinks the Snart siblings are used to getting their way, and that they use any methods they can think of to achieve that.

 

“Okay! I’ll leave you boys to it. See you in a few hours, goodnight!” She hangs up abruptly, and Leonard carefully puts the phone back down on the bedside table like he’s resisting throwing it.

 

“I am going to _murder_ her,” he says, sounding more tired than angry.

 

“No you’re not,” Ray replies, pulling Leonard back down under the covers and wrapping himself around his boyfriend. “Shh, go back to sleep.”

 

After a few minutes of grumbling, Leonard does, and Ray smiles, slipping off into sleep after him.

 

* * *

 

When Ray and Leonard finally wander down to the Cortex the next morning, Barry’s brought breakfast. He holds out coffees, looking proud of himself that he got iced coffee for Leonard, and then he presents them with muffins.

 

“These are the ones that are gluten-free, Ray!” he says, pointing at a few of the muffins on the plate.

 

Ray grins at him. “You remembered! Hey, thanks, Barry!” He grabs the aforementioned muffins and plops down in a chair. Leonard follows suit, draping his legs over Ray’s lap, as usual.

 

The two of them watch Team Flash get organized for the day, going over their current slew of problems. Ray and Leonard are introduced to Wally, HR, and Julian, and get glared at a lot by Joe West. Well, mostly Leonard gets glared at, Ray just gets an appraising look.

 

Things are hectic for a bit, and Ray is content to sit and watch. He attempts to hold back his comments, but he does sometimes pipe up with a suggestion. He just wants to be helpful.

 

“I’m sorry, I still don’t get this,” Caitlin says, the millionth time she walks by the two of them. They’d been holding hands and talking quietly, Leonard’s legs still draped over Ray’s.

 

“What about it don’t you get?” Leonard asks, glaring slightly. “Is it the gay part?”

 

“No!” Caitlin says, her voice shrill. She takes a deep breath and continues, calmer, “Of course not. I have no problem with that. It’s just, I wouldn’t have expected the two of you to have anything in common.”

 

Ray can see Leonard perk up, like he knows what Ray’s about to say. Well, maybe he does. “He’s gonna be mad at me for saying this,” Ray starts, and Leonard scrambles to get a hand over his mouth before he can spill. Ray manages to avoid the hand making its way toward his mouth as he continues, “but he’s secretly a _nerd_!”

 

“Raymond!” Leonard gives up, collapsing with his body half on top of Ray’s. “Stop spreading lies about me,” he orders, but the severity of his tone is at odds with his pose.

 

Ray grins at Team Flash, who are back to making confused faces at the two of them. “It’s true!” he says. “Leonard loves sci-fi, and he reads, like, _so_ much. We’ll cuddle up and he’ll read for hours without stopping while I work on projects, or I’ll read as well, but I get impatient after a while and he’ll just keep reading. He reads _everywhere_ and anywhere he can get away with it, without anybody noticing.”

 

Leonard makes a sound of disgust, and resumes his position of leaning back with his legs in Ray’s lap. Indifference is written all over his face, but Ray knows it’s an act.

 

“You know, I think Ray will be good for you, Snart,” Barry says, leaning back against the center console of the Cortex.

 

Leonard shifts into defensive mode and Ray puts a hand on his knee, but it doesn’t seem to make a difference.

 

“So you don’t think I’ll be good for him?” Leonard asks, toying with the words like he’s a cat and they’re a wiggly little mouse. “You think he’ll, what, pull me into the light? News flash, I’m already a Legend, Scarlet. I’m already _in_ the light. But, no, big bad me is gonna try to drag Raymond down with me, is that what you think? Drag him down into the dark and the gloom, or however you superheroes think we criminals live.”

 

“That’s not what I meant, Snart,” Barry says, stubbornly.

 

“He has a point, though,” Caitlin cuts in. “How _will_ you be good for Ray?”

 

Leonard meets Ray’s eyes, staring deep into them like Ray contains all the secrets of the universe. “Maybe,” he says, his voice soft, “maybe I can stop Raymond from having a fucking death wish.”

 

The room seems to drop away.

 

“I don’t have a death wish,” Ray hears himself saying.

 

Leonard laughs, low and cruel. “Don’t lie to me, sunshine. Mick told me about how you reacted when Rip told you that you were going to die, your hands stuck into the innards of the Oculus.” His voice slowly but steadily gains volume. “You shrugged it off. Mick _also_ told me about Camelot, about how you ran after Damien Darhk without _backup_ , like a moron with, yes, a _death wish_.”

 

“Wait, Camelot?” Cisco tries to cut in, but Leonard shushes him, still looking dead on into Ray’s eyes.

 

Ray feels minuscule. “If I can make a difference with my death, then that’s enough. It’s not like my life really matters, anyway,” he says, his voice as small as he feels.

 

In a split second, Leonard is on him, hand balling up in the neck of Ray’s sweater, face inches away from Ray’s own. “Don’t you _ever_ say that again,” Leonard spits out, his voice full of—Ray’s shocked by this the most—fire. There’s nothing calm or cool or collected about the anger Ray sees in his sharp gaze.

 

There’s just _heat_. 

 

“ _Never_ say that again, do you understand?” Leonard continues, and Ray sees a world on fire behind his eyes.

 

Ray nods, because there’s nothing else he can do. He just told the truth.

 

“ _Raymond_ ,” Leonard says, insistent and harsh, “ _promise me_.”

 

“I promise,” Ray forces out, trying to put truth into his words.

 

Leonard doesn’t believe him. “Your life _fucking matters_ , Raymond, and don’t you dare, for one fucking second, believe that it doesn’t,” he says, leaning forward and pressing his forehead against Ray’s. “If nothing else, your life matters to _me_. Please tell me that’s enough for you.”

 

God, Ray wants to say that it’s enough.

 

It’s not, it’s not, it’s not.

 

Leonard clearly sees it in his eyes because he collapses against Ray, enveloping Ray in his arms. “We’ve got a lot of work to do, sweetheart,” Leonard whispers, his lips brushing up against Ray’s ear. Ray shivers, and the room clicks back into focus.

 

He’s suddenly hyper-aware of Team Flash, trying desperately to look like they weren’t hanging on to every word, like they’d just been going about their tasks while Leonard ripped Ray apart at the seams.

 

“Well, that _sure_ happened,” Cisco says in a voice that echoes just slightly too much through the Cortex. “Also, heh, thank god, it’s almost noon, shouldn’t you guys head to the train station?”

 

Leonard peels himself out of Ray’s lap, but not before pressing a light kiss to Ray’s forehead. “We should,” he says, holding out a hand to help Ray up. Ray accepts the hand, and doesn’t let it go when he gets to his feet. He’s thrown for a loop, and even though Leonard is the one who caused that, Ray still feels grounded by him.

 

“How were you planning on getting there?” Cisco asks, and Ray vaguely remembers that the train station is all the way across town.

 

Leonard shrugs. “I was thinking we’d take a cab.”

 

“I could drive you,” Cisco offers.

 

“Thanks, Cisco!” Ray says, grinning past the fact that his heart still feels like it got run over by a truck.

 

“You just wanna see my sister,” Leonard says accusingly.

 

Cisco doesn’t deny it. “Look, man, Lisa is a whirlwind, and she terrifies me, but _hell yeah_ I wanna see her.”

 

Leonard smirks. “Good. You should be terrified by her. And, fine, you can drive us.”

 

“What, no thank you?” Cisco teases, leading them out of the Cortex and into the parking lot.

 

“Why should I thank you for taking us somewhere you want to go?” Leonard asks, moving from holding Ray’s hand to draping his arm around Ray’s waist. Ray leans into the touch, finding more and more comfort with each step. He listens to Leonard and Cisco banter back and forth as he tries to stop his heart from racing.

 

He _doesn’t_ have a death wish, really, he doesn’t. He was justified in all those situations. So what if he sometimes uses his body as a battering ram? They’re all heroes for a reason, right? Any one of them would do the same…

 

Right?

 

Leonard looks over at him, worry clear on his face for a split second, and Ray isn’t sure anymore.

 

He’s quiet on the way to the train station, his long legs squished even in the front seat of Cisco’s tiny car. Leonard and Cisco continue snipping at each other, even though Ray can tell they’re having an absolute blast, and that Leonard really likes Cisco. Ray supposes it’s good that Leonard approves of someone that his sister might date. He can’t imagine the hell Leonard would put someone he didn’t like through for dating his sister.

 

Once they’ve parked, Leonard walks ahead to figure out which track his sister’s train will be coming in on. Ray lets him go, figuring that he needs his space for a bit. Ray needs a bit of space himself, to think about what had just happened between them.

 

“You okay, man?” Cisco asks. “You’ve been quiet ever since, well, he yelled at you.”

 

Ray nods. “Yeah. I mean, I don’t know. I’m a little overwhelmed about the whole thing, actually,” he admits. “I don’t really know how to feel.”

 

Cisco pats his shoulder. “Yeah, that was pretty intense. But, what I gathered from that whole _display_ is that he really cares about you. He was really upset that you don’t value your own life, which, I gotta say, I agree with him. You’re a great person, Ray. Let yourself believe that.”

 

“Yeah, hey, thanks,” Ray says, and smiles. He still doesn’t feel okay about it, but Cisco’s words help slightly.

 

“Yeah, of course, man. And, yo, I get it. The two of you, I mean. Caitlin just has never forgiven him for kidnapping her, which I totally don’t blame her for.” Cisco shrugs. “I mean, he kidnapped me, too. Well, Lisa did. Kind of. It’s a whole thing.”

 

Ray laughs. “What?”

 

“Uh, Snart needed a new cold gun, so he had Lisa lure me back to the place they were squatting. They kidnapped my brother, too.” Cisco makes a face at that, like he’d almost forgotten. “It was actually pretty shitty. But, look, I know he’s different now. You know, I see him with you, and he’s totally mellowed out a lot. He’s less intense, and all. _Nicer_ , even.”

 

“Yeah,” Ray agrees. “He did literally sacrifice himself to give the rest of us a fighting chance. That, well, says a lot.”

 

“Yeah,” Cisco agrees. “That man is definitely not the same Cold who was our arch-nemesis for a while,” he says, and laughs. “I guess what I’m saying here is that I get it. I get the pull. Damn, if the Snart siblings don’t have their own special brand of magnetism, huh?”

 

Ray nods. “I didn’t even mean to fall for him, it just _happened_. I don’t normally go for the bad boys, or girls, you know?”

 

“I gotcha,” Cisco says, laughing. “Me, though? I can’t _stop_ falling for ‘em.”

 

“Really?” Ray asks, curious, but Cisco just nods and doesn’t elaborate. So Ray continues, “You’re right, though. There’s something about him, at least, since I don’t know Lisa yet, that pulled me in, from the very beginning.”

 

“You fell for him that fast?” Cisco asks.

 

Ray shakes his head. “No, not really. It was more, I knew losing him would hurt a heck of a lot. And then I lost him, and it hurt even worse than I’d thought, and I’d thought it would hurt a ton. So, I guess it was more that I cared about him early on, without even meaning to.”

 

“How soon?”

 

Ray thinks for a minute. “A few weeks, or less. Time is kind of weird on the Waverider, so I don’t know exactly how long. But it was the third mission or something, I don’t remember exactly. I do remember that we were in Russia, and a mad scientist lady had a gun to his head. She threatened to kill him unless I did what she asked and I just couldn’t let that happen.”

 

“Hmm,” Cisco says. “For me, with Lisa, it was mostly physical attraction, until she opened up a bit to me. She told me she trusted me, and I knew her well enough at that point to know what a big step that was for her. She played it off a bit later, acted like she was messing with me, but from the look in her eyes, I knew she’d meant it. And then, well, she kissed me, and that was it for me. I was hooked. Not that it was the first time we’d kissed, but it was the first time we’d kissed after I knew who she was, and all that.”

 

Speaking of, Lisa steps off the train and into view, rushing immediately over to Leonard. Ray and Cisco watch as Leonard lifts her up and spins her around, and they can hear her laughter peal out over the train station. God, Leonard can be so tender with the people he cares for, Ray thinks.

 

“Damn,” Cisco says, “we’re fucked.”

 

Ray laughs. “We really are,” he agrees.

 

“Well, at least I’m looking forward to being your brother-in-law,” Cisco says, with a cheeky grin. Ray pushes him slightly, blushing.

 

“Hey, that’s far away. For the both of us, probably.”

 

“Oh, for sure,” Cisco says. “But at this point, do you really think either of us are getting out of this? I mean, bro, she _dumped_ me. Hard. And then left town. And here I am, answering the phone when she calls me in the middle of the night, picking her up at the train station. And _you_ ,” he says, glancing up at Ray, “you’re just head over heels for him, aren’t you?”

 

Ray can’t deny it, so he doesn’t. He just gives Cisco a half smile, and watches Leonard and Lisa make their way back over to the two of them. He sees Lisa whisper something into Leonard’s ear, and Leonard smirks. Oh man, Ray thinks, these two are going to be terrors when they’re together. He and Cisco really are screwed.

 

“Hi boys,” Lisa drawls as she and her brother reach Ray and Cisco.

 

“Nice to meet you, Lisa! In person, this time!” Ray says, holding out a hand for her to shake. Instead, she steps forward and hugs him, leaning up on her toes even in her ridiculously high heels.

 

“If you hurt my brother they’ll never find your body,” she whispers into his ear, and lets him go. “ _So_ nice to meet you, Ray,” she continues at normal volume. “My brother certainly has good taste.” She grins widely at him, and then turns to Cisco. “Hey, Cisco,” she says, her voice a hint softer. Ray doesn’t even think he’d have picked up on it, if he wasn’t so used to the same subtle shifts in her brother’s voice on occasion.

 

“Lisa,” Cisco says, gazing up at her adoringly. “Welcome back to Central City.”

 

She grins, and steps forward into his waiting arms, hugging him tightly.

 

“Let’s give them a sec,” Leonard says, looping his arm through Ray’s and dragging him a few feet away. “How are you doing?” he asks, examining Ray’s expression closely.

 

“I’m okay,” Ray says, suddenly awkward.

 

“Liar,” Leonard says softly, leaning forward to press a quick kiss to Ray’s lips.

 

Ray sighs and slips his arms around Leonard’s waist, bringing the other man in close. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Leonard. I just don’t—”

 

“Don’t you dare,” Leonard cuts him off. “I told you not to say it. I can’t—I can’t hear you say that again, okay. Please?” he asks, his voice soft and pleading.

 

“Okay. I’m sorry.” Ray suddenly remembers they’re two grown men holding each other in the middle of a train station in the mid-west. He tries to push back, but Leonard won’t let him go.

 

“If anyone says anything, I’ll punch them in the face,” he says, guessing at Ray’s sudden wish to not be touching. “Calm down. I lived here for enough years, nobody’s gonna say a word to us.”

 

“I just—”

 

“I know,” Leonard says. “You’re from the west coast, peak liberal city, whatever. It’s really not that bad here, I promise. Plus, you and I are the largest men here, nobody would _dare_.”

 

That startles a small laugh out of Ray and he relaxes back into Leonard’s embrace. “Leonard, I—”

 

“Really, Lenny?” Lisa asks, walking up to them, an arm draped over Cisco’s shoulders. “You haven’t let him call you a nickname by now?”

 

Leonard shrugs. “Hasn’t really come up,” he tells her.

 

Lisa examines him. “Hmm,” she muses. “Well, you’re kinda trying to reinvent yourself, so ‘Len’ maybe isn’t what you want, since that’s what you have used for, like, most of your adult life. What about ‘Leo,’ like when you were a kid?”

 

“Oh, I like that,” Ray says, looking to Leonard for confirmation.

 

Leonard considers for a moment, and then nods. “We can give that a try. See how it feels.”

 

“Okay!” Ray says, pressing a light kiss to Leonard’s—Leo’s cheek. “Leo it is!”

 

Leo smiles up at him, fondly. “I’m still gonna call you Raymond, though,” he says.

 

Ray had expected this, and frankly, he likes that Leo calls him by his full name. He says as much, and Leo returns a slightly wicked grin that makes Ray feel warm all over.

 

“Yeah, Raymond, you like the way I say your name?” he asks, his voice low and sultry.

 

“Ew, Lenny, really?” Lisa asks, making a disgusted face. “Can you please seduce your boyfriend somewhere that’s not in front of me? Thanks.”

 

They all laugh, and then fall into discussion about what to do next.

 

“I’m starving,” Lisa says, and the boys agree to take her to lunch. They’re all getting hungry too, so they make their way to a diner that Cisco and Leo agree is the _best_ in Central City.

 

Ray and Leo sit in the backseat together this time, their hands clasped together.

 

“Maybe I should start using Gideon’s therapy function,” Ray offers, his voice quiet enough that Lisa and Cisco hopefully won’t hear, and sees Leo’s eyes light up.

 

“I’ve found it helpful,” he replies. “I mean, with that and with sleeping in your arms, my bad dreams are pretty much gone, as you know.”

 

Ray nods in acknowledgment. “Yeah, you’ve been sleeping through the night recently. If you’re worried about me, I guess I can at least _try_ this.”

 

Leo’s smile is all Ray needs to know that he’s saying the right things. “I’d like that, Raymond,” Leo says, leaning forward to kiss Ray, briefly but deeply.

 

“No making out in my backseat!” Cisco calls, and Ray and Leo break apart, laughing.

 

After that, things change, but slowly. Ray and Leo say goodbye to Lisa and Team Flash after another day or so, and head back to the Waverider. Ray starts to use Gideon’s therapy programming, curled up in bed with Leo so he has someone to cuddle with through the tough moments.

 

Leo doesn’t let him hold anything back, and Ray is both grateful and emotionally exhausted after the sessions.

 

“See,” Leo says after a few weeks, “I told Barry I was gonna be good for you.”

 

Ray laughs, and pulls Leo down on top of him, to kiss him soundly. It’s not easy, and it’s not clean-cut, but someone values Ray’s life. And maybe, one day soon, Ray will value it as well.

 

Who knew Ray would get here, and that it would all be because Leonard watched a movie alone in the middle of the night? It’s probably fate, Ray thinks, that the two most important things in his life happened because of Star Wars.

 

 _I am one with the force and the force is with me_ , he mutters sometimes, pressed up against Leo’s mouth.

 

 _The force is with me, I am one with the force_ , Leo will reply, a smile playing across his lips.

 

So, they save the world. Together.

 

And Ray is in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is the end! Thank you, as always, to Ruth, for honestly not only beta-ing but for bouncing ideas back and forth with me, for yelling about Ray with me and inspiring a few of the scenes here, and for just loving Coldatom as much as I do. 
> 
> Thanks also the Coldbabies for listening to me yell about things in the chat, and encouraging and supporting me through this story that was supposed to be a few short chapters while I figured out where I'm going with The Weight of Time and somehow ended up being the longest fic I've written to date. 
> 
> Finally, thank you to all of you who have read, left kudos, and commented. I hope you've enjoyed this journey, and I hope you like how I've ended it. I wasn't sure where it was going, but the boys led me here. 
> 
> It always comes back to Star Wars, in the end. 
> 
>  
> 
> _I am one with the force and the force is with me._

**Author's Note:**

> come yell about coldatom w me on the [tumblrs](http://biraypalmer.tumblr.com)


End file.
